


Stuck In A (torturous) Time Loop

by Seaxereddington



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Gen, I don't know, Kaito and Kokichi are like brothers because Kaito is stubborn and Kokichi is annoying, Psychological Torture, Suffering Momota Kaito, Sweet Gokuhara Gonta, Time Loop, Why did i make him suffer?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29252793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seaxereddington/pseuds/Seaxereddington
Summary: Momota Kaito awoke after dying from an illness in the middle of his execution. He... wasn't supposed to, but most of all, why was he in a locker? Right where he started the killing game?Or,Kaito's stuck in a loop and he realises he needs to get everyone out, and it'll take more than one try. But he doesn't think his sanity will last long enough.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Momota Kaito, Momota Kaito & Everyone, Momota Kaito & Oma Kokichi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 56





	1. The start... of the never ending loop

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Kaito Momota Ruins Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24435796) by [khattikeri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/khattikeri/pseuds/khattikeri). 



> This is based off a fic I read, and everyone loves it. I hope this isn't stealing the idea, all of the credit goes to khattikeri. I guess I was thinking of a fic where Kaito does somehow end up at the beginning, but this would be a lot more dark and sad because it would be about Kaito right after he died. He doesn't know anything yet, and he has to learn each time, what he has to do and what went wrong while watching tons of different murders by different people.

Momota Kaito awoke after dying from an illness in the middle of his execution. He remembered seeing the bright little twinkles that were the stars he would dram of holding in his small hands as a child. He remembered seeing the moon he'd decided to visit as he grew older, boasting about one day setting his feet on the rock to his grandparents, who smiled and cheered Kaito along. 

He... wasn't supposed to awaken, but most of all, why was it dark? In the sense he could feel his eyes open, but no light illuminated them. It was cramped- why could he feel?- he could barely feel his arms or move his legs. A sensation he felt a long time ago, for a brief amount of time. No... it couldn't be. Maybe he was dreaming? Or maybe his life was flashing before his eyes as the reaper came to bring him death. That had to be it. He was dead, he wasn't alive. And he left everything up to his sidekicks (they were the main act, Kaito knew, but he for a while he refused to acknowledge the fact. He was too late when he did)

Kaito's breathing grew erratic. It felt small. The walls were closing in on him. He was sure, they pressing against him and trying to crush him. But he wasn't scared. No. Momota Kaito wasn't scared, he was 'The Luminary Of The Stars'. Strong and brave, a pillar one could lean on when they needed support. But now he felt as though he needed a support. Kaito started struggling, banging on the walls around him, screaming his throat raw.

He yelled until the door flew open and he fell through. Kaito landed harshly and ungracefully on the floor, pain shooting up in his body. But it reassured him, reassured him that he was, in fact alive and... Well. He wasn't dying of an illness.

But that wasn't a reassuring fact in itself. It was cold and harsh truth, freezing his hope like the outside world had. He died knowing he had done everything he could do. Had it not been enough? Had Shuichi and Harumaki failed?

No, they would never. So why was he here again? Was the world playing a cruel and sick joke. The purple head blinked, a voice pulling him out of his shocked mulling, "Oi, you alright?". To his shock and absolute horror, the small and cartoonish form of the former tennis star, Hoshi Ryoma, held a small hand towards him.

Kaito stared at it. This was a joke. A cruel and sick one. He was alive. Hoshi was alive. He wasn't dead. He wasn't a pile of bones mauled by piranhas in the tank filled with blood stained water. And he wasn't murdered by Tojo Kirumi the Ultimate Maid and president of Japan.

What- what was going on? It hurt to hunk. For a moment, Kaito felt his lungs constrict. He couldn't breathe just like in the rocket. Was there blood? He couldn't tell, but he his hands were painted in thick, pink liquid with an iron smell. One he grew to disdain and fear.

"Oi. Oi!", Hoshi's deep and concerned? Voice brought him from his spirally thoughts to reality again. He didn't want to be in reality. He didn't want to replay the killing game. No matter how cheery and loud Kaito acted, it still affected him. Even if he was dumb, he knew that no one would believe him. The astronaut's happiness was still all genuine, there wasn't a moment he was faking. But knowing everything, made it harder for him to keep the smile that encouraged those who needed it. 

"My bad, I was just lost in thought", his voice comes out a little croaky, but other than that he has no struggle speaking, breathing or moving. His illness hadn't caught him yet. He was still healthy. A part of him was relieved, the sensation of grating on his throat was gone and he didn't have to force his own voice to sound smooth with no cracks. He didn't have the constant reminder doom impending over him, threatening his dream - but Kaito just ignored that. If he was going to make it to space, he was going to make. _(And Kaito did make it. Even if it was in another life, that he remembered)_

The purple eyed astronaut took the smaller hand, his own ones completely engulfing it as he clasped them and pulled himself up. A little cough ached in his chest, but Kaito ignored it in favour of _really_ looking at the situation. Hoshi was eyeing him with suspicion, large eyes narrowed as usual but with a dash of... worry? That wasn't very normal of Hoshi. Or maybe it was and Kaito had just wasted his time looking in the past, no matter how many times he told everyone else to look forwards or you can't move forwards. 

He regretted being so hard on Hoshi. The tennis player hadn't had a reason to live, having dealt with a prison cell for so ,any years his was accustomed to dark and gloomy life in the encaged walls and dirt stained urinals. Kaito could tell the small man (it felt wrong describing him small. He was older than anyone else, moulded by the cold and harsh reality Kaito had been slapped just now. He was a veteran at the age of 16, and the purple head loathed himself for not being a true man and helping one in need)

_He let his pride get in the way. Just like at the fourth trial. And Kaito still didn't apologise until he was about to die._

But all of that, was in the past. Kaito said it himself, you can't move forwards if you're always looking in the past. So he would look forwards and change it all. He had to, he needed to bring all of his classmates back to the true outside world, like Ouma had said or some shit. Kaito still hadn't completely grasped the idea of an audience watching them, the sick fucks (as Ouma the purple gremlin himself described them, and he whole heartedly agreed even if it was the supreme leader) enjoying all their suffering.

"Yo! So where are we?", he asked with surprise optimism in his voice. It was a lie, though he was still struggling to come to terms with all this bullshit, Kaito realised how much he could save and how much he could fix- First up was Amami and Akamatsu! But he still had time, the first perk motive hadn't been given yet. Heck, no one knew of the killing game. He was the only...

And as the situation once properly dawns over him like a wild waves crashing and drowning him, Kaito felt the true pressure of the gravity of the situation. It was no biggie though, if he was going to be an astronaut he would need to be able to take on the force of travelling in a rocket ship. And hey! He'd already done so without a space suit, he was more than prepared.

Ignoring the totally-not-heavy burden on his back that he wished to share with others but knew no one would be able to, Kaito grinned at the former tennis player, who gave him a look so dead and unimpressed he guffawed, rightfully offended, "What? What did I say?". Hoshi continued to regard him with the same look, before raising an eyebrow as though asking "Are you serious?". Kaito frowned and shrugged his shoulders (god they were sore), "I still don't know what's wrong"

It's only after Hoshi sighed for about a minute before rubbing his forehead as though Momota Kaito, a future astronaut was giving him a headache! Kaito is even more offended, because there was nothing he could have done to offend him! What did he do? Other than give a nice warm and loud greeting? "You sound too optimistic for the situation we're in", Hoshi finally answered, and Kaito noticed that his tone of voice was upbeat, loud and clear. He has a great big smile on his face, even if he's forcing it a little. 

"Oh", he blinked, "But you gotta be optimistic about these situations. What's the point of being all gloomy and scared? It'll only hold you back", the tennis player raised another incredulous eyebrow, "And what if I was an enemy, coming here to kill you?". Kaito replied with the usual Momota-like answer, "But you're not. I trust you."

"Based on what?"

"My hunch of course", he sounded a little too confident in saying that, but Hoshi kindly (rudely in his opinion) ignored the tone of his voice, "Just as hunch?"

"Heh", he smirked, "This isn't just any haunch. It's a hunch of the The Luminary Of The Stars! And I've proven my hunch to be right before!", Hoshi blinked before shaking it off and muttering about 'youth these days'. Even when Kaito didn't' know anything the first time round, he still held the grin that could give the sun a run for how bright it was. He still trusted the small brunette whole heartedly. 

But in all honesty, he had reasons this time. He knew no one here was evil, they were all incensed and swayed by the killing game. Whoever it was, had given Kaito a chance to fix everything, make it better. He was prepared. 

… Except he didn't even know who the mastermind was. But he could figure it out. Kaito had the pieces. He just had to put them together, like a jigsaw puzzle. He may not have had the brain Shuichi and Ouma possessed, but he was smarter than most have him credit. 

Kaito smile down at Hoshi, the latter of the two annoyed at the fact that the taller one had to physically look down to see him, though he meant no offense of anything, "Let's go gr- I mean check around the school!" 

Hoshi frowned at the slip up, but he didn't question any further. See? He was smart! Sure, Kaito had forgotten a majority of the conversation and almost gave away the fact he knew there were people here, but he didn't actually give it away. Hoshi didn't question him, so he was off to a good start! 

Kaito made a beeline for the door, pushing it open with the remaining energy and bursting through with a grin. He wasn't particularly sure what he was feeling. His emotions were... kind of mixed into one big lump, and he could barely pick out one thing. It made him feel... weird. He didn't like it, it almost made him feel- No, it did make him feel a little nauseas. The more his mind delved into himself, the more he realised how tired, hurt, weird, confused and muddled he was. He was sad. He murdered someone. He _killed_ Ouma Kokichi. The remnants of that... didn't feel nice at all. 

Kaito realised just how forced his grin was. and how much it was straining his facial muscles to keep it on. Tojo Kirumi drowned Hoshi Ryoma, who was right next to him. The little tennis player was the same he'd met and berated, tried to help with his lack of motive to live. But all he had done was most likely aggravate him further. Constantly on his back with harsh words about the once famous 'tennis star', probably ripping wounds open. 

And like that, the nauseas feeling in his stomach grew and festered like poison in his veins, and he went through the familiar sensation of acid burning his throat and forcing itself out of his mouth. The purple haired astronaut crumpled to the ground, vision and head spinning as more acid and bile burned through his oesophagus. There was no blood, Kaito checked despite the disgustingly bitter taste in his mouth. 

The corners of his sight went dark, he was struggling to breath in the midst of throwing up anything and everything in his system. Hoshi had a small hand rubbing slightly soothing circles on his back, concerned expression etched into his cartoonish face. "...", he was saying something, but Kaito's ears were blocking out the sound. 

Harsh coughs wracked his body, breaking what little protection remained in his throat and leaving pickling stings behind. It hurt... so much. 

Momota Kaito realised for the first time, he was not okay. He was scared. 


	2. Greeting... blank canvases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito meets everyone again, but they don't know him the way he does. And it breaks him a little more to know that he's another blank canvas to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is gonna be a little sad, and to be honest, any deaths of murders that come up in this story are not mine but based off the talent swap AUs I've read. So if you recognise any of them, credit goes to them not me.

It took him another couple minutes of wheezing and coughing for his body to decided it needed its rest. He barely had time to slam his hands down on the ground to keep himself from falling straight into a puddle of bile and stomach acid. The idea didn't sit well with him. Hoshi retracts his hand, knelt besides him, though he didn't really need to due to his own short stature. 

The magenta haired astronaut took deep breaths, ignoring the burning sensation in his throat and bitter taste in his mouth. His mind was spinning, hurting and pulsing with ten different types of headaches. It made the world spin even more. Another five minutes of Kaito attempting to slow his breathing down with Hoshi by his side, patting his back later, a fellow Ultimate arrived. And probably the best one out of all the possible students to see them. 

Tojo Kirumi rounded the corner, her calm expression morphing to concern as she took long and quick strides to him and Hoshi, "Yo.. hehe", he tried greeting her with a weak grin, but she ignored it, "Are you feeling unwell? Is there anything I can do?". Tojo Kirumi, she made them delicious breakfast every morning with a kind and motherly smile. She cleaned up their laundry and any messes they left her with. 

All until her motive video revealed her true position as the prime minister of Japan. And quite frankly, now that Kaito thought about it, that sounded like utter horseshit. President? At what, sixteen, seventeen years tops? Maybe it was a story fabricated for the 'audience' that was watching them. Could the motive videos even be trusted? It was Monokuma, the damn bear was the opposite of trustworthy. 

"Nah, I'm fine. Just had a moment", the astronaut pushed himself up, rolling his shoulders and clearing his raw throat. "Phew, must have been something I ate before I ended up here", the two shared unconvinced glances, but Kaito was used to having such looks. _Vague memories of Shuichi's wide and horrified amber eyes quivering at the sight of the thick and pink liquid staining his hands and shirt, the blood dribbling from his chin. Harumaki's crimson eyes filled with shock and concern flashed before his own eyes, but he made no contact with them. He ignored them._

As he did now. "So, I still don't think I've properly introduced myself", Kaito gave the two a big grin, hands on his hips, posture tall and strong, "I'm Momota Kaito, The great 'Luminary Of The Stars'. Even crying children admire the Ultimate Astronaut!", he laughed, the sound reverberating within the walls bright and loud. He turned his lilac eyes to the short brunette. Hoshi pulled the black beanie over his eyes, looking like the darkness of his loneliness was eating him away, "Name's Hoshi Ryoma. They once called me the Ultimate Tennis player, but I'm just a shell of of the past."

Kaito released a soft sigh under his breath. Hoshi was still stuck in the past. But unlike before, Kaito wasn't angry with that anymore. More than anything, he regretted his past actions. The purple haired astronaut wanted to show Hoshi that he hadn't lost everything, that he still had something to live for. _Kaito would make sure to keep an eye on Hoshi, he'd show him that they cared. That he still had everyone here. Because that was all he ever wanted the former tennis star to know: everyone was here for him._

He forced another grin, "Heeh, tennis huh? Been a while since I've played, used to look up to you. I still kind of do to be honest", the brunette looked away with an exhale. His expression returned to the blank canvas, the door to Hoshi Ryoma as a person closing. The astronaut would make sure to gently nudge it open, he couldn't push and force it like last time.

The green haired maid cleared her throat, catching the attention of the two other teens before allowing a smile to grace her face (she always made everyone feel so relaxed when such a graceful smile was present, and Kaito felt a nostalgic bitterness in his heart at the sight of it), "I am Tojo Kirumi, the Ultimate Maid. If you have any requests, please do not be afraid to ask. I will use all of my abilities to fulfil you wishes", her voice was kind and gentle. The complete opposite of the last time he saw her. A feral beast with every intention to escape, no matter the consequences. Kaito didn't fault her for that, everyone wanted to live. _He wanted to live and make it to space._

But the usually calm and tolerating, kind maid looked as though she had risen from the flames of hell, with a scowl so gnarled it was more twisted than the branch of s dead tree, and could pierce anything its way except for her impending death. Her lifeless corpse laying in her owl pool of blood, broken like a rag doll was what he first saw instead of the smiling maid before him, her guttural screams echoing like phantoms. 

Phantoms that left chilling shivers to dance on Kaito's spine. He was scared, so scared.

But he still had no one to rely on. Kaito would make it through, and have others rely on him, because even if he was scared, he wanted to be a hero. He _needed_ to be. It was his nature, it was his duty. He would make up for his past mistakes with this new chance. He wouldn't let anything get in his way! He was Momota Kaito, Luminary of the Stars! And that man did not shy away from being a hero. 

"Nice to meet ya!", Kaito offered a hand the maid kindly took and shook gently. She then turned to the mess Kaito had left behind, sighing into her, "I would rather get rid of this before anyone could slip on it, but unfortunately it seems as though there no cleaning materials in the vicinity. Perhaps there might be something to clean it up with, or at the very least warn the others". Hoshi raised an eyebrow, "Others?", he dropped the brow, shaking his head while twirling the candy cigarette, "What am I saying. Of course there are more Ultimates". Tojo nodded,

Meanwhile, Kaito stared at the puddle of translucent sludge - a strong and putrid scent hanging around the air - with a sheepish grin, "Sorry, that was my bad. I'll help find some materials and clean up", he offered Tojo. And he expected her to turn him down, "It's quite alright Momota-kun, you were just feeling unwell. It happens to all of us". But Kaito refused to have any of that, because he was desperate to get to know every one better, to be proper friends with. If he had their trust, and he would be safer, he would feel better. They would all give him smiles he loved to see, smiles he worked hard to see one everyone's faces. 

He needed to be in other's presence. Anyone would do. Because he could relax knowing they really weren't illusions or tricks his mind was playing on him, "Nah, I insist. It won't be so bad helping out a fellow Ultimate, and it's my mess. But I won't stop you from cleaning of course, just wanted to help". He knew Tojo a little. She liked to clean and help others, hence her title as an Ultimate. The maid was one of a kind, she liked to do what most didn't: she cleaned, had others rely on her and carried big expectations. All the while with a beautiful and soft smile on her young face. It was admirable, and Kaito did see something amazing in Tojo.

But all of that, was exactly what led to her downfall. She was too kind, too willing to accept jobs with great expectations. She grew desperate and started to growl savagely like a wild animal, all stemming from her need to help others. Tojo needed someone else to carry burden with her, she needed to rely on others instead of letting the stress pile on her strong but fragile shoulders, cracking the undefeatable resolve bit by bit.

The green haired maid let out a soft breath with a smile adorning her pale face, "If you insist. Please do not feel forced to join me". Kaito chuckled, "That should be my line". The two shared a chuckle, and he caught a hint of jealousy in Hoshi's eyes, flashing faster than a comet. The astronaut hadn't been keeping check of time, so it must've passed quickly for the bell to ring already.

He's painfully reminded that it isn't night or morning time, but simply the first announcement that would lead them to learning of the killing game. Kaito stretched his shoulders for good measure before walking ahead and beckoning the two behind him, "Come on then. I doubt anyone will walk by this area, so we can leave it for now. And I'm itching to see the other students. It's interesting and exciting to know what other talents they have", his tone was a little more reserved than before. The astronaut lacked the energy to keep it joyous and bright, but he would make sure to keep it such when needed.

As they walked at a reasonable pace to the gym, Kaito felt his nerves build up. Akamatsu would rally then like the leader she was, and attempt them all to try out the despair road. But it was completely pointless. The despair road was built to induce more despair, all by creating the false sense of hope this school (if he could really call it that) embodied perfect and crushing it with the truth of the outside world, just like its namesake dictated. It was a road of despair.

He's very tempted to just tell them to give up. But that would be obvious, and the mastermind would notice immediately. The purple haired astronaut couldn't afford that. He had to be careful. He had to be the meaning of careful. He had to be like Ouma, but with trust. Kaito knew who he could trust, heck he could technically trust everybody. The greenery mixed with walls and ceilings had always bugged Kaito a little. He liked house plants, took care of many while living with his grandparents.

But it felt more sinister around the walls. As though the vines and roots would stretch to trap Kaito and strangle him to death. Maybe it was his paranoia, or his fears, but at times he could imagine the greenery snaking its way to his feet until his latched into his bare, tanned skin. He would yelp and pull his foot away, but there was nothing, other than a confused Tojo and worried Hoshi. 

They finally made it to the gym doors, cool metal biting into his bare hands. He dreaded opening the door, but pushed it anyways. He had little choice in opening the door, and the two behind him were waiting on the astronaut. Opening the doors felt like making a grand entrance, and in another life Kaito would have been ecstatic. But concern and nerves gnawed at his resolve and remaining courage. Thirteen heads and 26 surprised eyes turned to them, and Kaito immediately grimaced. 

Seeing them alive was... nice, for a better lack of words. They were alive and well, none of them lying in their own pools of blood of painted with trauma of horror. He strained to keep his magenta eyes away from the lilac haired 'supreme leader', his body glitching to a blood soaked hydraulic press, the iron scent strong in the air, a lingering crunch of bones and guts echoing within the encased walls. He shoulder locked up, eyes gazing over Ouma Kokichi, the victim that he killed.

Kaito proclaimed he would beat up the robots, because they did nothing but get on his nerve. The sound of robotic and metallic clunks stomped quietly under all their voices. He understood what Gonta meant. But he realised that, the metal sounds were distinctively different from Kiibo. He was a different robot, Kaito knew that, and still everyone treated him differently. He realised at times they were a little heartless, including himself. He made a mental note to spend more time with Kiibo, make the robot- fellow Ultimate feel welcomed. He was sure that he'd appreciate it, and hey! He might even consider being his sidekick.

The exisals jumped in front of them one by one, steel feet leaving a 'clang' to ring in his ears. The scene was all too familiar, whether it was him, Gonta and Chabashira standing off the obstacle to Akamatsu. The exisals in Ouma's control (with his sickeningly sweet smile- though when he looked back on it, part of it looked fake. Maybe it was all fake), or the exisals standing between his own execution and the others. 

A chill passed his hands. He clenched them to stop the shaking. 

"Maybe we'll pull you apart like string cheese!", one of the Kubs, the blue one? Kaito didn't care at all about those things. He'd sooner rather be thrown across the wall by Chabashira then make conversations with one the freaky shits. Speaking of them, they were bickering with the students. "Oi, run Yumeno-chan!", Kaito sighed... Ouma Kokichi, ever the little brat.

The supposed 'mage' frowned and sweated, "Why are you suddenly worried about me?". Harumaki raised an eyebrow at him, "By the way, didn't someone say he'd kick all their asses if they returned?". He gave her a half glare, "Hey! I said I'd kick the bears' asses, not these monsters!". Seriously, he already went against one and he regretted it immediately, cursing his brash self for being so naïve. The magenta haired astronaut was not standing up against one of those again... Unless the situation called for it!

Which it didn't. And ever the chill, smart guy Amami was, he casually walked up while calmly telling everyone not to fret. "If they'd wanted to kill us, they'd have dome it by now. So? You clearly want something from us. Well, we're all ears". If only it was that simple. If only they wanted them to get along and be good friends. But that wouldn't be an interesting series to watch. No one watched a show where people were all happy and good friends, much less teenagers being all cringey and mushy.

The blue exisal roared with laughter again, "Well aren't you a wise guy? You're right, we're gonna have you do something for us!... My heart's going 100mph for this. Y'all ready?!", another enrapturing (as if, Kaito already knew the next words, who they were coming from and everyone reactions. And he wasn't looking forward to any of it) silence. The blue bear started to talk but was cut off sharply by the truly robotic and emotionless voice of the green bear, "A-KILLING-GAME."

"Hey! Monodam, how dare you upstage me!"

Sometimes Kaito found himself really wishing he was having another ridiculous dream. He remembered feeling the same sentiment the moment those words were ushered into the air. A chorus of disbelieving surprise went through the group like a Mexican wave. Chabashira twiddled with her fingers, eyeing the ,metallic beats nervously, "Eto… what did it just say?"

Kiibo, ever the clueless robot (poor kid, he would have to each him the importance of timing soon), pitched in, "If I heard him correctly, he said-". The green monster cut him off again, as sharp as last time, "A-KILLING-GAME". Another silence hung over them as the Monokubs started arguing over the dumbest things as usual. Their over the top voices penetrating his ears like squeals of dying pigs. 

While Kaito was busy hung up on the painful fact of the Kubs annoying him to no end, another familiarly-child like and mocking - one that often called out a sentence he feared with his every fibre, of two colours that were so simple but were tainted in his design -interrupted softly. "Now is not the time to fight, my children", hearing it was like having a beautiful dream plunged into the depths of hell and letting its delightful images burned with the hottest flames. 

That's what Kaito was feeling at the moment. His own breathing grew a little erratic, anger swelling in his mind and clouding it like cotton. It didn't help the fact that the magenta haired astronaut felt dizzy and nauseas, throat sore and burning from his earlier bout of vomiting. He was surprised that no one could smell the acidic bile wafting around his person. 

Or maybe Kaito was underestimating how worry-some the exisals were, or their strong smell of oil was overpowering his. And there were five, he really shouldn't be surprised. The Monokubs jumped out and gasped, all shocked and excited for their 'Amazing and super strong Father!', the same bear that let his kids kill each ether while gleefully smiling and commenting as though watching a causal comedy film. How he could do that, the astronaut would never know. 

Said bear, decidedly making his entrance as grand as possible, shut off the lights and flew out of the podium with white wings that he really didn't deserve to carry on his back. "Yes, it is me, the great and fabulous Monokuma. And also the headmaster of the this school for gifted juveniles!", _school for gifted juveniles, huh?_ Magenta eyes drifted to the exotically dressed Ultimate Anthropologist. 

… _Some of these juveniles were not like the others_ , Kaito thought with bitter sarcasm dripping his thoughts. Not something very usual, since he was more of the honest and loud, cheery type. But the last killing game had completely sapped him of any energy, and all he wanted to do was sleep away any aches or creaking joints in his body. 

That's what he needed, a good night's rest. The bear was droning on about killing each other like toxins, before bursting out laughing with his kids. The sound was grating against his ears, he wanted nothing more than to smash those pieces of junk to the floor! Akamatsu's voice, strong and clear, like a beacon in their confusion spoke out to all of them, "We won't play this game of yours! Got it? Whatever happens, none of us will fall into your hands!"

Even with her strength and clearness, the bears carried on with their mocking laughter, drowning out her voice. Kaito found it to be like finding your way only to be pushed the wrong way and end up lost again. It was terrifying, dread creeping up your back and gnawing at your nerves, mixing in with the paranoia that whispered incessantly in his ears. 

One the laughter faded away, a familiar chimed played out and rang around the hall. He apathetically took out his monopad. The black and white on it served to fuel his anger further, the fire growing and blazing. More shouting and calmer responses ensured around him. His anger threatened to burst. What was it with him today?

Oh yeah, he's scared, confused, distraught, scared, and more confused, sad, everyone's alive but they don't know him he's supposed to save them all how's he supposed to do that? he's even more scared he'll become ill and die he might get executed he might watch everyone else die in some or other why was he playing the game? he knew how it went he could break the rules and piss them he's done it before and gotten away might as well do it again this monopad was pissing him off everyone else was getting louder his head was cloudy what was he supposed to do again? why him? he wasn't the smartest guy should've chosen someone like Ouma or Shuichi they don't even know him he's not Shuichi's bro Harumaki doesn't care about him he's a stranger to everyone-

Kaito raised his monopad with a yell, "Screw this! I'm not playing this game!", the 'again' is left unsaid but he was close to shouting it as well. Amami's cool tone barely reached him, "Woah now, I wouldn't do that if I were you", he remembered this. Just like last time, where he was being an idiot. "Who cares about him? Just one less dumbass to deal with!"

That's right, he was being stupid last time. "I don't care! I've had enough of this!", but he's angry right now, and no amount of words were going to stop him from seeing the satisfaction of breaking this damn pad through-

"HEY!! QUIT FIGHTING ALREADY!!!", the Ultimate Pianist's loud and fiery voice startled him enough his barely caught the Monopad that had slipped out of his -a bit too- strong grip. "Woah! Wha-"

The purple eyed blonde crossed her arms with a pout, staring sternly at them, "We shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves. Right now, we *need* to work together. Honestly, I'd be more inspiring if I played a song than gave a speech...", her eyes lit up in a way that reminded him of himself, and the Akamatsu before she committed a murder, "Chopin's 'Military Polonaise' would definitely help untie us!"

Kaito started to feel his heart calm down, the erratic beats slowing to a regular, comfortable and relaxing pace. The fog in his mind started to lift, "Right?! I feel like having some bolognaise, and I don't even like meat or tomatoes", of course this is what came out of the lying bastard Ouma's mouth. When did he ever act seriously? 

(Always apparently, just under the façade of annoying and playful child, was a genius who though valuing his life above the others, still cared greatly for them)

"Tenko thinks Akamatsu-san is right! We should be working together!", Chabashira, as enthusiastic as ever, yelled. Yumeno, quivering like a leaf, attempted to speak up in her calmest voice, "You guys... need to.. stop panicking.. like me", her voice shook as much if more than her own small frame did. Angie of course pointed it out in the most oblivious tone she could muster (he just couldn't get a read on her or Shinguji), "Wahh, you're totally shaking."

Akamatsu started voicing of again, all ears opened to her words of encouragement. Kaito had always held her in high regard for her ability to rally everyone. He was never able to do that, he could only offer support like a sidekick and pull the curtain for the main event. Before long, the group of students filed out one by one, some in twos. Until he was left with Akamatsu, Shuichi and Amami. The three were talking, and Kaito barely heard a glimpse of their conversation, "You'd better be careful. The people behind this would probably come after someone like you."

With the ominous warning left hanging in the air, the green haired student followed the rest. He watched them from the corner of his eyes, before walking over with a grin, "Don't worry about that! Whoever comes after you, we'll stop them! Because we'll be working together, isn't that right?". If Akamatsu was here, she could rally the group of them, like before, and he would make sure to fill in an cracks. Because he knew what would go on.

The two returned his smile, albeit Shuichi's much less noticeable then Akamatsu, but still a lot more confident then his usual demeanour. "Thank you... Oh, I don't think I caught your name?", the pianist blinked, a little surprised. Kaito blinked black, realising he had spent the whole time before this throwing up and panicking. "Oh! Ahaha, my bad. I wasn't feeling too well earlier, but I'm better now. I, the Luminary of the Stars, am Momota Kaito! The Ultimate Astronaut, nice to meet ya!"

Akamatsu smiled back, "Nice to meet you too, Momota-kun. I'm Akamatsu Kaede, the Ultimate Pianist!". He knew, he knew she was a pianist with a heart of gold and charismatic smile. The lilac eyed blonde turned to Shuichi, "And this is Saihara-kun!". The hat wearing detective diverted his eyes away when pulled his hat over them. Kaito knowingly looked away, "Saihara huh? Nice to meet ya, ahaha!"

Maybe they didn't know him, but they were still alive. He could make things better, he could save them. Kaito just had to think, breathe and take his time. Everyone was here, he wasn't alone. 

Shuichi nodded, "Ah, yes. Saihara Shuichi. they call me the Ultimate detective, but...", he trailed off, hazel eyes despondent and far away. Akamatsu opened her mouth to protest, but Kaito didn't want to force him. He just needed to be coaxed, slowly and gently, like Hoshi, "Ultimate Detective huh? Seems pretty cool", he grinned. Shuichi's pale face grew red, "Ah, not really. I'm still in training", he sighed shortly, fiddling with the hat.

Kaito shrugged, "Apprentice or not, you're an ultimate, so I believe in your skill". The words startled him, Kaito knew they would. Shuichi himself didn't believe in them, he was afraid to use them; afraid of uncovering the truth. The astronaut still didn't know why, but that wouldn't stop him from giving him strength alongside Akamatsu.

Said pianist smiled brightly and nodded, "That's great to hear! I have a feeling we'll all be doing great!", she laughed just as brightly, and Kaito found himself swept up in her joy, laughing besides her. 

He was a blank canvas to them, but some of them were already filled in Kaito's eyes. He would make sure they were filled the same says, and he would fill in the blank ones, while giving them an image of himself they could rely on. Because he was a hero, and he was going to end this game. No matter what it took.

Momota Kaito still wasn't fine, but he was better. Because he wasn't alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, feel free to leave a comment and/or kudos!
> 
> Also that took so god damn long to update, sorry about!


	3. Despair Road filled with Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito knew that attempting the despair Road would lead to discord, a small argument that would be swept under the rug like dirt. But... He wanted to prevent and keep the string between them all. Or at the very least, discourage anyone from ever going through that useless and despair inducing torture road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have ideas, but I'm getting ahead of my self. I do apologise for any typos, as I make frequent ones while typing fast on my laptop, and sometimes I miss a few of them. Or on my phone where typing and me do not work, and my auto correct does not correct it.
> 
> But also, I am making up the ideas as I go... It's really hard and I'm not particularly creative, so I get ideas from reading other fics for inspiration.

"I'm gonna head somewhere first, be there real soon", Kaito turned his back to Shuichi and Akamatsu, the latter stuttering a little "O-oh, Ok. See you later the, make sure to arrive!", she waved as he left. Kaito gave her his signature grin and thumbs up, "Of course!". Though being honest with himself, he wasn't so optimistic. If he did manage to keep everyone alive, they'd surely try to escape, and Ouma would probably push Iruma to make those hammers, then they would make it to the end and they would find out the horrid truth of the outside world. 

And Kaito had no way of discouraging them.

They would either mock him, and the mastermind would have their eyes on him. Or, and definitely not the route he wanted to go down, they'll become suspicious and he'd spend his days avoided. That was the last thing Kaito wanted. He needed everyone's trust, if he was going to stay sane then he would keep contact with his friends and help them too, because that made him feel better. And he wanted them to make it out alive with him.

Kaito directed his eyes to watch Akamatsu and Shuichi walk through the side paths to the man hole. He would join them soon, but the astronaut had more important matters screaming at him. Almost literally, if his foul breath and bitter taste were any indicators to go by. So Kaito ventured to his dorm room, eyes closed in a pensive state. His legs already knew the path of by heart, automatically pulling him to his destination.

The purple haired astronaut lazily pushed the handle, and by extension the door, forwards and walk straight to the bathroom. After a relieving session of mouth washing and teeth brushing, Kaito allowed himself to breath a sigh of relief, the foul scent completely gone and bitter taste replaced by a fresh and minty after taste. He already felt better. 

Kaito also had the added benefit (that he had for a while until Hoshi had been drowned and Tojo executed right after) of breathing easily. Running easily. Doing anything easily, because he wasn't ill. Yet. The word brought his mood down as it did to his smile, now a frown. No matter what happened, he could never remember how he got ill. He was perfectly healthy before all this, he was healthy at the start of the game. 

There was no constantly present itch in his throat of weight in his chest, one he lugged around with almost all of his energy during day and night. He was not wheezing at times, or collapsing during others. He was free healthy, which also meant he was fast. Kaito sprinted at a steady pace to the back of the school, kicking the door open and revelling in everyone's attention as their either startled to him of glared at him, "I'm here!"

Akamatsu's soft purple eyes light up like a lit up as bright as the room, "Momota-kun, finally! Gonta-kun was just telling us about the man hole". Ouma laughed from somewhere within the eccentric looking students, his short stature dwarfed by the likes of Gonta and Shinguji, "Yeah, he even showed us his monstrous strength capable of crushing heads! Unlike a certain useless robot"

There was a small protest of, "But Gonta would never do that! It's not what gentlemen do!", followed by a less optimistic and loud, "I will not tolerate your robophobia much longer Ouma-kun", and despite the tired sigh that made its way from his lungs, a small smile threatened to tug at his lips. He clapped once, "Alright!", thirty pairs of different coloured eyes, almost looking like a widely assortment of many rainbows (or at least for him. He was always optimistic, as his grandparents had said so many times with kind smiles), "Let's get going!"

One by one the students clamber down, and Kaito descends last, having arrived in the same place. The wide and large tunnel, brimming with darkness and shadows that greeted them made his stomach churn. Knowing the barren lands and blood stained skies waiting for them at the end of the tunnel seemed less than appealing to the astronaut, and he hesitantly made his way after mocking coaxing from the bears and much nicer encouragement from the Ultimate Pianist, they headed in for their first run.

As the group fell one by one, the multitude of traps catching each student by their leg and pulling them down, Kaito moved by instinct. He dodged, and jumped, and dodged some more and jumped further. Like following a rhythm, he realised, one he had practised a multitude of times, ill and dying. Slow and weak. But he was strong and healthy, faster, and the part of him that knew the road better than anyone else, maybe even the mastermind danced to the rhythm in the halls.

He stopped at the ledge with the small hovering platform before him. Kaito knew that thing was dodgy. Even without the hammers Iruma had gifted them in her death -Kaito thought it wasn't entirely consensual, more like a certain violet haired gremlin had forced her through a series of insults and maybe manipulation- he remembered those specific platforms being deformed or outright rigged. Their blood red colour shone in a new light, looking more like Monokuma's eye with a smile beneath it taunting him. 

And yet, the astronaut also distinctively remembered making through with sheer luck. 

_Kaito jumped with the maximum exertion his legs could handle, more than his dying- no, he was just ill... sick body could maintain or make in the first place. Just as his feet neared the platform, as though some sick sort of cruel joke decided to play its cards now, the platform moved away enough his feet barely brushed it. And he was left falling to the water below, the coldness awaiting to overtake him until he was finally and mercifully pulled out by a cage that he would relentlessly bang and shout at, as if it were sentient and would finally take pity on his raw throat._

_He didn't want to go through all of that again. This was the furthest his body was willing to carry him, and even that had overtaken his limit a long time ago. Kaito desperately flailed his arms and hands, hands scratching the surrounding air until a form of solid finally clamped on them. He held on with everything he had, body painfully swinging before coming to slow stop._

_The blood and bile gurgled in his throat, but Kaito ignored it and its burning as he pulled himself up. His arms shook more than a single leaf faintly attached in the midst of a raging storm._

Maybe he could repeat that, without the blood reminding him of his chilling fate, or the abnormal strain his body was usually under. It felt freeing, to have such fluid control of every limb, light featheriness in his chest lacking in the constricting of his lungs. He took the same big jump, feet completely over the platform, but as expected it dodged like a being. 

He reached his large and tanned hands before him, fingers clasping around the red platform's edge. Briefly distracted by his victory, Kaito almost forgot the punishing swing of his own mass. His fingers started slipping, shivering with unimaginable forces weighing them down. Until his grip slackened briefly and his fingers truly slipped. The same cold water from the past bit into his skin, and Kaito trashed briefly, fighting to rise for air when a cage thankfully pulled him out. 

It was during the short lived journey, that Momota Kaito realised he was doing for nothing. There was nothing waiting for them. He knew the truth already, and he was wasting energy on attempting the despair road. And yet, as he came to, Kaito found a sliver of hope that the outside world from then was a fabrication of a story. A story where he was the sidekick, and he died in the purpose of rigging the game to be wrong and unwatchable.

But after Shuichi reluctantly struggled through, the twists and turns of the case constantly flipping the tables and leaving them absolutely shocked at every discovery, they finally figured it out thanks to his sidekick's genius brains. Kaito couldn't be prouder of him, and even after he was found out the teal haired detective carried through with his lie, all because Kaito was too stubborn to admit he failed Ouma's plan.

(And maybe because he Ouma gave his life for the plan, Kaito wanted to keep going until every possibility was explored)

The Ultimate Pianist's voice filtered through the tunnel, strong and confident and so _inspiring._ The type of pillar and leader he wanted to be after she was gone, dragged away by a single rope to the first despair filled execution, where reality set in like a stormy sea night. Everyone's spirits lifted as colour returned to their faces and some bright smiles shone like small stars. 

Still, Kaito thought with little hope that this was all fake, and he had to confirm it first hand. So on he went, following Akamatsu's back with everyone else behind him. 

It's around the third try that he noticed a shift in air. Everyone was tense, coiled like springs as each failure reminded them of the impossibility of escape. All ready to snap at any and everyone, wills slowly chipped by the traps and rigged platforms, but Kaito still makes it the furthest. He was back at the platform when surprisingly, he heard a yelp from a familiar voice. 

Kaito turned around on a whim and reached a hand when his eye landed on the small form of Ouma Kokichi, struggling to keep his on weight up against the ledge. He doesn't hesitate when his hand clasped around the 'Ultimate Supreme Leader's' arm and yanked him up. "You alright?", for a moment Ouma stayed silent. He stared at Kaito with calculating violet eyes, void of any emotion.

Then like a switch. a grin cracked on his pale face, "Oh Fellow purple person! My hero", Ouma's annoying laugh slipped into the end of the sentence. But looking closer made it so clear what was fake and what was not. 

For the second time in his life, Kaito appraised Ouma Kokichi. The first, he didn't have much time. The latter was dying from poison and Harumaki would be painted as the blackened. He wouldn't have that, and Kaito himself was about to die of the stupid illness, so he took the fall for her and played along as a pawn in Ouma's plans. 

_The violet haired liar wasn't looking at him. Eyes dazed and clouded with pain, staring longingly at the door. There's flicker of doubt seeded deep within, one that Kaito never saw in the Supreme Leader's eyes. Rooted so deep it took the fear of death to draw it out, far enough for one to see glimpse. But he saw more, because he was used to seeing more than met the eye in a person. Shuichi, Harumaki... if only he'd done so for Ouma, then the two of them might not have been there._

_He's pale. Paler than snow, and thinner than a log. It's worrying, considering Ouma was his age, yet so fragile that if Kaito was at fill strength he could probably snap him in half. How come he hadn't realised the fact before? Why was it so surprising? Because the layers of intricate lies and walls had crumbled, and the astronaut could see everything Ouma didn't want anyone to see._

_He was as scared as them. He was trying to help them. He wanted friends and to live. He wanted to be like Kaito, trusted and loved by everyone. But he was going to die alone and hated. Left to freeze in the lonesome coldness of his impending death. Upon realisation, Kaito felt his shoulder shake with the true gravity of who he was killing._

_A boy who didn't trust anyone, but wanted to live all the same._

_He didn't know what to say when he passed Ouma for the last time. He couldn't even comfort him in his last moments, his own hands shaking as he pressed the two buttons._

The second, Ouma was the same. He's small, fragile and pale. But he doesn't look weak from poison, he's not scared or death but lightly afraid of the killing game. He's also working his gears to form a plan, end the killing game while looking for the truth. But it didn't matter if Ouma tried to hide all that behind his child-like behaviour and laugh, cruel words and manipulation. It didn't matter how hard Ouma tried to hide, because Kaito could see through them now. His brain knew what the true Ouma Kokichi looked like, and he could clearly see the lies, even if he couldn't see so far behind them.

"Wow, I'm so pretty you can't stop staring huh?", his tone is light hearted with a hint of playfulness. The astronaut's own came out more serious than he would've liked, quickly forcing another grin to go with it, "Momota Kaito! The Luminary of the Stars, and Ultimate Astronaut!". Ouma blinked at him, before giving a long suffering sigh and turning away in disappointment, "Just another big jock I see."

He scowled and tsked, but payed no further mind to Ouma's taunting. Brats like him were looking for a rise out of most people, Kaito should have known for a while but he kept feeding into the constant insults and more. Frankly, even with knowing Ouma, Kaito wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his anger in check. He was just such a little shit, lying left and right and purposely pressing all of the astronauts buttons to make him angry just for the sake of it. 

"Wait, that platform is rigged. If I don't make it then I want you to go back", if he didn't make it then Ouma wouldn't make it. His short arms wouldn't even come close as to brushing the tip of the platform with his fingertips. Said boy raised an eyebrow, "And why should I take orders from an idiot like you?", his playful tone was so obnoxious Kaito felt a headache throbbing just hearing it, "Because if I can make it, I'll pull you up. If I don't and you fall, you'll get hurt. And you're already deciding I'm an idiot when you've barely met me?"

"Confident and hot blooded people like you don't care about the consequences and act on whims", he did _not_ act on whims and he certainly _did_ care about consequences! Sure, sometimes Kaito let his anger get the best of him and control him like a puppet, but that didn't happen always. He was just there to support everyone and bring up morale. What's wrong with that?

Kaito shook his head, "Whatever, just promise me you'll turn back", he prepared himself to jump. "Okaayy! Anything for my hero~", he ignored Ouma song song mocking tone, taking a few steps back. Ouma folded his arms behind his head, tilting his head with a smile as Kaito let out a roar and leaped with every ounce of of his strength. 

The platform, as expected, dodged his feet. The 'Ultimate Supreme Leader' cooed in interest. Kaito caught a glimpse of worry? Whatever it was, it certainly as hell wasn't the usual mocking happy shine. Even with his knowledge on the violet haired boy, it hard to read him. It was like... how could he put it? It was like at a multitude of translucent walls now that you knew what was behind them. Translucent wasn't transparent. He stretched his hands and fingers as far as possible, allowing them to enclose around the cold metal. He made sure to hold on as his body swung from the momentum, before pulling himself up. He turned around and reached an encouraging hand towards Ouma, who stared at it blankly. "I'll catch you! Just jump when the platform nears!"

The boy enface him raised an eyebrow, "And I'm just supposed to trust you to catch me?". God he was so difficult. Why couldn't he just take his word for it and jump? Did he never go through the trust exercise? Kaito would catch him! He groaned, the sound vibrating against his grit teeth, "Look, you either trust to get you over and see what's at the end, or you stay behind. Simple as that!"

Ouma pouted, jutting his lower lip out as he put a hand to his chin in a poor attempt of looking like he was _really_ thinking. His frown turned upside down faster than a light bulb could illuminate his dorm as the boy laughed, "Nishishi, okay!". Ouma was small, Kaito reminded himself, so he lowered himself and let his arm dangle as far below.

The 'Ultimate Supreme Leader' prepared himself, little legs bending as he levelled a focus glare at Kaito's hand. He leapt, hand just brushing the platform. The astronaut seized his smaller hand and pulled him up, "Geez, you're really light. You better be eating properly", he muttered under his own breath. Though it was really meant for only himself, the proximity of Ouma's ears easily allowed him to catch that.

A bright grin stretched its way across the violet haired Leader's pale face, "Aw! I didn't know you cared so much for me, Momota-chan! You might not seem like such a brute after all". Kaito huffed, drawing his brow down in slight annoyance, "Whatever. We better het moving". The two went through each trap carefully, the taller of the two practically pulling and leading Ouma who whined and whined, but Kaito long knew not to pay any attention. 

The door was right before them, to the outside world. And Kaito remembered he didn't have one of Iruma's hammers, electricity cackling before the door. He could finally check- Monokuma appeared, along with his children, "Boo!", Kaito jumped and scowled when he heard Ouma laugh mockingly from behind, and was it him was it a little hot? He certainly felt some heat rush to his face, "What'd you want now?", he begrudgingly grumbled, because who would ever want to hold a conversation with this freak.

(A certain purple haired gremlin apparently)

The bear face dampened with sadness, "Oh why the hate? I wanted to congratulate you for making it this far. It's the first time you know?". Yes, he knew, but no one needed to know that. "So I wanted to reward you with this!", the black and white bear pulled out a familiar looking bomb-"OH SHIT!", his vision went black, searing burns aching as the last thing he felt before passing out.

In his short moment of blissful unconsciousness, unaware of the large priorities bludgeoning him constantly, Kaito saw himself with a pink hammer, along with Shuichi, Harumaki, Yumeno, Kiibo and Shirogane. _The door was right in front of them, the last wall standing between them and the truth. He remembered his heart hammering, doing flips of joy and internally cheering. If they could go outside, then he could get help and he could save himself, along with the others. He would make it to space with no problem..._

_But that was wishful thinking. And such thinking wasn't welcome in a place full of despair (though he and Ouma would later repaint it in hope). All they had to do was disable the electrical barrier, and freedom would present itself. Even so, despair was intent on chasing them down, and the truth hit harder than the Exisal's palm slamming him to the ground, combined with the constant knot tightening around his chest._

Kaito came to purple eyes he'd been seeing too much of lately, "Yo Momota-chan, seems like you're alive", Ouma whispered ever the child-like teen he was. The magenta haired astronaut groaned as he pushed himself up, noticing the atmosphere of the rooming dropping further and further. Some were starting to limp, others looked desperate, and even a few were already done.

Akamatsu herself had a pleading, small glow in her mauve eyes. She was starting to hurry, to rush in panic and everyone followed. Last time he checked though, that didn't go so well. "One more time-"

"Hey! That's enough you guys!", his voice rang out and startled them, reaching every corner of the room as it bounced on and off the dark walls. "You guys are rushing. There's no point in panicking and forcing ourselves; besides, Ouma and I made it earlier but there's an electrical barrier in the way. We can't make it without a de-activation device."

Whispers and cries of shock chorused in the group of students, and he noticed the current leader of the group's hope start to face, "But we're all rushing. If this is the exit, then we only need to find a way to de-activate the electrical barrier, and that shouldn't be so hard. We have the Ultimate Inventor on our side!", his gave Iruma a cheery grin. The blonde's face grew redder as eyes turned to her and some smiles returned, "Oh-well if you re-really are useless without me...", she played with a strand of peach blond hair. 

"So let's take a break and slow down, yeah? No need to get so rushed, we have each other, and I believe in all of you! We can make it out", he gave Akamatsu a thumbs up. The girl startled, staring at him with shock and... admiration? He gave a sheepish laugh. Kaito didn't think of himself as a better leader, he only wished to be as good as Akamatsu. The purple haired astronaut remembered admiring her and how she rallied everyone so easily, he wanted to be like her. And Shuichi sure as hell wouldn't have been so capable without her. 

He still did admire her, and to have her admire him back... it felt nice, reassuring. Kaito used to refuse the fact he was a sidekick, that he wasn't needed by the likes of Shuichi and Harumaki, because they were strong and he was only supposed o be there for them to rely and depend on him. He wanted to be the hero, and refused to acknowledge he wasn't. His belief was flawed and he used to think doubt was unneeded. 

Kaito thought that deep down, he was just another side character.

But maybe now... he was so irrelevant this time. He could actually be useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, Kudos and comments are welcome!


	4. Take pride in your life and its meaning (Nothing is meaningless)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito decided to go and check the library for a secret something, when Shuichi and and Akamatsu stumbled on him opening the door with no one around,
> 
> 'He gave them a nervous laugh and matching grin, letting go of the door that started to close on itself, the rumbling leaving a tense silence, "... I can explain?"'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, the next time I play V1 and V3, I'll be on chapter 2 and trial 4 respectively, and I will cry because Kiyotaka and Gonta. Also Kaito and his illness. I feel like you all might get mad at me for what I'm about to do.. but please don't. The tag suffering Momota Kaito is there for a reason, but I will give him happy moments. I can promise that. Knock yourselves out! I hope chapters aren't too long or short. Criticism isn't so bad. Also this analysis stems from reading all types of fics and Weeby Newz video, I recommend watching all of them. They've helped me grow closer to the fandom and understand these characters I never had before.
> 
> EDIT: I did end up finishing chapter two while writing this, and I cried, right before dinner. It's just so sad, and when you step in Mondo's shoes, everything is so clear as to why he did it... And then Kiyotaka's reaction, I kind of thought the reason it hurt him so much, was because Mondo was his first friend. If you read the manga, you find out what happened in the sauna, and it's so wholesome. And then trial 2 happens  
> Also I suck at the bullet battle thingy where you argue with a certain character, and it's on kind...V3 was so much easier to play on PlayStation 4

The night sky has already been hanging over them for a while, so he suggested returning to their dorms and greeting a goodnight's rest. They could meet in the morning for a nice chat and discuss what do to after. Everyone agreed, and left one by one again. Ouma left before he did, shooting him interested and calculating glances before climbing out. 

Akamatsu hung back, and he wondered why, "What's wrong, Akamatsu?". She gave him a smile, warm and grateful, "I just wanted to thank you. I felt that, without those words, we might have fallen into discord or something", she laughed, and he laughed along with a small hint of nervousness in it. Shuichi is behind, hiding himself in her shadow like a little puppy, and Kaito found as amusing as it was cute.

"It's fine. I know you want the best for us, and I do too. It's no problem", she nodded and pulled Saihara out of whatever trance he was in as they returned. The teal haired detective gave him a small smile, and he returned it with a grin at least three times its size. Kaito looked to the despair road, content if a large hole cover were to just appear and shut the road for all eternity, but he needed to check first.

He also wasn't so keen on letting everyone else find out the truth, because more panic would rise and chaos would ensure and Kaito didn't think he could keep all of that under enough control to them that there may be an audience watching like sick fucks and that hey! at least there's still an outside world and they could still escape! That's good news, right?

He returned to his room, after stargazing for another hour. Though he couldn't really call it that with the constellations being incorrect, but Kaito would instead pretend to draw the right ones. Other times he would simply lay and relax in the wind's cool breeze. The grass swayed and sometimes covered him like a blanket at times, it was nice.

Around that time Gonta had decided to search for bugs, because the bug enthusiast was nagged by the lack of them. He searched in the between the grass, on patches of green and in trees. But he came up empty, strong jaw marked with a sad frown. Upon his eyes catching a movement, the large and hulking mass circled his pray carefully, bug net in hand and red eyes trained with absolute focus. 

He made his move, and swung the net. "Woah! What?", Kaito struggled for the brief seconds his gaze had been obstructed until an apologetic voice called out, "Ah! Gonta is so sorry!", the entomologist pulled the net away with watery eyes, "Gonta didn't realise you were out here! He didn't mean to throw the net over you!", in his blubber of apologies, Kaito blinked uselessly. 

He gathered his thoughts and shoved them away before pulling out an amused grin for the green haired gentleman, "Hey, it's fine Gonta. No need to apologise! I guess I do seem like a big bug in the middle of the night huh?", Gonta shrugged with a small smile, "If Momota-kun is okay with it..."

"Course I am! By the way, what're you doing here?", _he might have been searching for bugs_ , Kaito pondered, rubbing his own goatee. Gonta sheepishly scratched his wild hair, "Gonta was looking for bugs in the night, since some come out in the dark. But he still can't find any", _of course you wouldn't Monokuma hid them all in your research lab,_ Kaito gave him a nervous laugh. 

"I'm not sure you'll find any here, I haven't seen any since I came here either, to be honest", the entomologist's hoped filled gaze fell into disappointment. Kaito grimaced, feeling guilt gnaw at his heart, _What was I supposed to tell him? That he'll get a lab later on? Oh wait that would have been just fine..._ The purple haired astronaut hummed, trying to seem not suspicious-at-all, "Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but there are research labs around the school yeah?"

Gonta nodded. 

"So if they're tailored for our talents, then surely you'll get one for yourself. Filled with plenty of bugs and other things you're sure to love!", his was pretty good. Kaito liked the space theme, he would probably spend the nights over there if allowed. Now that he thought about it, Kaito had gone to space before. All of it wasn't a dream, he was sure. Too much had happened for it to not be real, and it was all happening again, so it had to be real. Which meant, although he died, he got to go to space in his last moments. He fulfilled his dream... so did he have no dream? Had he completed it?

"Momota-kun, what were you doing?", he blinked, thoughts abruptly cut off, "O-oh, I was just stargazing, but uh... none of the constellations are correct. So I guess I'm just drawing over them", the green haired gentleman followed his finger pointing to the sky, frowning, "Oh, you're right. The constellations are all wrong". The astronaut scowled, "I don't know if that damn bear is messing with me or not, but whatever he does, we're all getting out of here..."

Gonta nodded, kind look moulded into sharp features of seriousness, "Mhm, Gonta will do his very best to help". Kaito grinned, "Of course, we'll all be trying our best!". Kaito hummed, thinking of a way to rid the serious and tense mood that had overcome them, "Hey Gonta! How about I tell you of some constellations? I know a few that are bug related". The astronaut laughed as Gonta's face lit up as bright as a puppy's, "Really?!"

"Sure!"

Kaito spent about half an hour rambling about as many insect related constellations he could think of from the top of his head, which was a surprising amount for Gonta, until he decided the two needed to go to sleep. "Goodnight, Momota-kun, Thank you for talking with Gonta", the larger of the smiled kindly as he waved bye. "Anytime", Kaito responded as he opened and closed his door. 

A goodnight's sleep sounded great. His bed looked welcoming and maybe even soft to lie on. He went to sleep with a small smile on his face, 

* * *

Waking up without the heavy knot in his chest or not waking up in the middle of the night to it was heavenly, a pleasure world for Momota Kaito to live in. He body was free of aches and pains, and he wasn't slowed by the constant coughing of blood or deterioration state of his body. He walked in to a light hearted atmosphere in the dining hall, the intoxicatingly sweet smell of pancakes wafting in the air. 

Kaito was more of an early riser, he wouldn't dare waste a minute sleeping if he didn't have to, unless he was truly tried and needed to rest his weary bones. The morning announcement hadn't played, and only a few students were present, chatting to one another or sitting alone. Kaito didn't like that, so he took a seat between Harumaki and Ouma (yes, he was surprised the two were sitting so close. But then again, Ouma had yet to learn of her talent), "Hey you guys! I don't hear a lot of socialising from you two."

Harumaki regarded him with a cold stare, red eyes almost frozen for their colour, "I don't remember saying I would". He laughed at her chilly nature, to which she raised an eyebrow, "How're you gonna make friends without socialising?"

"I never said I'd be friends with any of you, especially you", Ouma winced in the background, hiding his snickering behind a small, pale hand, "Ouch!". Kaito laughed along, leaving Harumaki to glare, "Did I say something funny?". The morning announcement played as more students walked in, "You wanna get out of here too, right?", he took her silence as a yes, "Then we're gonna need team work. And getting along with everyone is the first step in that."

The brunette huffed turned away, ignoring his attempts to converse with her, "Gee, cold as always huh?", he muttered with a small fond smile. The violet haired Supreme Leader gave him a mocking smile, "Aw! Poor Momota-chan was rejected by Harukawa-chan! Boohoo". Kaito gave him a shrewd look, before shaking his head. Until he felt a freezing liquid poured down shirt. He let out an undignified yelp, the remnants of whatever had been spilt trickling down his wet back, shirts _and_ jacket. 

He heard a few laughs echo around the dining hall (even _Tojo_ was laughing god damn it!), the loudest if them all obnoxiously right behind him. Kaito felt a vein pulse on his forehead, turning back stiffly to face the giggling gremlin, "Ouma you bastard..", the boy gave him an innocent grin, so sweet it was absolutely sickening, "Aw, don't be like that Momota-chan. I just thought some good old cold milk would do you some good for the rejection!"

Kaito saw red for next five minutes or so. 

* * *

Akamatsu opened the door Ouma running behind her with a furious Kaito on his tail, "Wah! Help me Akamatsu-chan! Momota-chan's trying to kill me!", the little brat didn't sound one bit exhausted for someone who was chased by him for five minutes or so. Without the trouble of his illness and extra baggage, the astronaut was still capable of chasing Ouma for hours on end. 

"What's going here?", Akamatsu, in between a pair of glaring and pleading purple eyes, asked nervously. "This little brat needs to learn some manners!", Kaito shouted and tried to lean over the pianist. Ouma hid further behind her, grinning and sticking his tongue out as Akamatsu tried to speak calmly over his anger, "What did he do?"

"Spilled some freezing milk down my shirt!"

"I was treating your burn! I was doing you a favour!"

"I did not! Get! Rejected!"

God, Ouma was going to snap all string of his limited patience by tomorrow. Scratch that, he already did. The supreme leader sprinted further into the hall, leaving Kaito to duck besides the mauve eyed blonde and chase after him. Damn, he was fast and nimble! But Kaito knew the layout better, and he was still faster. It was another five minutes of running that the magenta haired astronaut was finally able to cut off Ouma. Said boy gave him a pout, "Oh come on, it was just a joke! You can take one, right?", Kaito scowled.

He stalked up to Ouma, who for a brief moment seemed... scared - man, knowing about a person's true self made it hard to not see their vulnerability - , violet eyes flashing with split second fear, or at the very least hesitance. That's true, this was Ouma Kokichi at the start of the game, not the boy Supreme Leader that had decided everything and put his everything into his plan; having formed a perfect mask to hide any and all emotions behind while executing his ruthless strategy to end the killing game himself. 

Ouma before him, was in the same boat as everyone else. Scared, confused, worried, paranoid. In fact, the Supreme Leader was probably more paranoid than anyone else here: it was his nature. And his downfall to dying alone. Even Kaito pitied him. And he was a good foot or so taller than him, probably looked pretty intimidating from Ouma's tiny view. 

So instead, Kaito swung an arm around the smaller boy and pulled him into a headlock with a grin, "You little brat!", Ouma spluttered and stuttered in protest, desperately clawing at Kaito like a wet cat, "Now, I'm gonna drop you off at the dining hall while I get myself a new change of clothes. You better behave", the astronaut hauled him by the colour as he started to make his way back. Ouma thrashed wildly before giving up and letting himself hang limp like a ragdoll, "Ne, Momota-chan, you can't just hold me against my will. What if you really do kill me?"

"I'm not gonna kill you, I was just thinking of having a chat with everyone about escape routes, and then I thought we could discuss checking out the school", the violet haired shorty raised an eyebrow, "And you expect everyone to listen to you? A dumb jock over Akamatsu-chan?", Jesus why did everyone have to call him dumb?!

"First of all, I'm not dumb; stop calling me that", Ouma stuck his tongue out at him, what a brat, "And second, I'm not expecting everyone to go along. I'm just gonna suggest it, and we'll fix any problems that come along. It'll be a majority vote, not just me forcing everyone". Ouma, like the little brat he was, feigned surprise, eyebrows up and eyes widening at his words, "Woah, Momota-chan, I didn't know you had a brain much less that it worked!", his eyes shone with stars in them; like a kid giving his Santa a starry eyed look on Christmas. 

Kaito ignored him and his continuous mocking, his 'surprisingly functioning brain' working on something else. The hidden door in the library, Shuichi found it around now... so they may be checking on that soon. But Kaito wanted to get a good look at it before anyone else came. He needed to think, about the mastermind. Kaito had to be just like Shuichi and Harumaki, and by extension, Ouma... though he wasn't exactly ecstatic of the idea. The astronaut needed to be a detective like Shuichi (a hero), he needed to be strong like Harumaki (another hero), and to be a little doubtful like Ouma (yet the guy was really doubtful and Kaito would help fix that. He would help Ouma get over it)

Kaito's always been the hero-type. He's always tried to be a grand hero everyone would look up, pretended to be confident in the face of his greatest jealousies and fears. He wanted to be like Shuichi, to be the main event, to be _useful._ And his jealousy led him to hurting his bro, hurting the one who needed his help. Kaito made them his sidekicks so they could work on their weakness and rely on him, when they were scared or too weak. But he was such a hypocrite, lying in their faces and refusing to acknowledge his own weaknesses. His own beliefs led to discord, problems arose and Kaito refused to look at them.

He called others cowards, because he couldn't face the fact that he was the biggest one. He lied to himself and let everything grow into a heavier burden. All of that led to his narrow minded deductions and stupid ideas. He wasn't smart, so he looked up to his sidekicks and nemesis- rival for their abilities, and felt ashamed of his own, Because Kaito never did much, other than occasionally motivate the others. Even when helping others, Kaito hurt himself until it affected them and he hated it.

But... admitting it, to his insecurities, his weaknesses, his jealousies. Admitting to himself that he had all of these, and he could work to grow stronger knowing them... It felt amazing, like he was a true hero. When he put his pride down for Ouma, he felt strong. And when he faced Shuichi and Harumaki, apologising while knowing he had finally accepted everything, it made him feel confident. He was happy to see the two of them so bright and shining, like the stars he strived to reach one day. It was all Kaito wanted, because they were his heroes. 

All he had to do was be like Shuichi, belief and doubt make logic, right? He couldn't just believe in people, no matter how much he wanted, he needed to doubt a little to see the truth. So Kaito got to thinking. Of the last survivors he saw, Yumeno, Kiibo, Shuichi, Harumaki and Shirogane, the astronaut didn't think it was Shuichi. Sure, his belief and bias played a major part as it did with Harumaki, but if Ouma was right about an audience watching them... then Shuichi was the protagonist? And having him as the main villain wouldn't really make sense, he'd watch plenty of shows to understand that.

Yumeno, who overcame her two best friend's deaths, would be another pleasure to watch grow and love. It was like Shuichi, and Harumaki. The cold hearted assassin who was really a girl who was afraid and hated herself. To him, the most likely candidates seemed like Kiibo and Shirogane, and as much as he couldn't see the latter as the mastermind, he didn't think they'd make a robot a mastermind.

Come to think of it... when Kaito hid in the girl's bathroom, he thought he saw something real suspicious in the supply closet. Man! This just didn't make sense! How could Shirogane, plane jane and never noticed... Shirogane, plan everything in the shadows... and watch as they all suffered, all the while pretending to do so along them... 

…

 _You know what?_ _It kind of made sense._ _You can't just believe in them,_ Kaito reminded himself. _It could still be-_ He's cut off by Ouma screaming his ear off and pulling it, "MOMOTA-CHAN! EARTH TO MOMOTA-CHAN!", god he was so annoying. Kaito pulled his hand away, wincing at the stinging sensation caused by it, "What do you want?"

"We passed the dining hall a few seconds ago."

Kaito turned to see the door in the corridor to his far left, _huh, what do you know?_

He didn't have anymore time to linger on his earlier thoughts, dropping Ouma off while warning Tojo to keep him in place, and to pull his ear if he caused any trouble. Kaito went to quickly get a change of clothes, a wet and cold feeling on his back making itself ever more present. 

* * *

Kaito returned to all of the students happily chatting to each other in small groups - Chabashira awing over Yumeno and her 'so-called' magic, while she lazily responded to the former's outbursts; Saihara and Akamatsu discussing what he guessed to be the secret door; Shinguji quietly conversing with the likes of Hoshi Harumaki? (Oh, she wasn't actually speaking, but her ears were attentively twitching. He was still really proud for at least staying); Angie praying quietly with Shirogane ( _mastermind_ ) in the background talking to Gonta, probably about cosplay or something; Kiibo ( _possible mastermind_ ) attempting to kindly wave of Iruma who drooled at the process... of somethings Kaito didn't really want to know and probably didn't need to either - and of course, he beheld the grandiose sight of Tojo pulling on Ouma's ear while he winced and pouted and threatened her with a promise of a pool of tears later. 

She ignored them in favour of taking notice of his arrival, "Momota-kun, you had something to discuss with us?", the light hearted chatter seized, and Kaito felt a little bad because he was enjoying the bright aura and everyone's high spirits'. "Well", the astronaut scratched his magenta and gelled hair, "Since the escape yesterday didn't go so well", the mood started to drop, "I thought we could have a good look around the school, for anything else that might give us clues. So I was thinking we could go in threes and twos."

"And who said you were the leader who chose everything again?", Harumaki questioned as cold as ever, and he grinned, "Hey! I never said that. I was only suggesting it, thought we could have a majority vote", a few choruses of agreement rung throughout the group, "Then I thought we could leave it up to the leader and her second in command!"

"And...", Chabashira poked her fingers, eyes narrowed with a shadow of doubt in his judgement, which rude! but he it was Chabashira, she hated all men for a reason and he did not want to get on her wrong side, "Who is this leader exactly?". The astronaut paused and let his eyes glaze over the students, making note of each regarded him. Most interesting of them all to him, was Ouma. Who he could read like a book in the midst of the nightly shadows with no light, just bare visible words if you strained you eyes. 

And he could see beyond the tilted head of child-like curiosity and dough eyes, there was a sliver of interest. Maybe he surpassed the Supreme Leader's initial ideas? Probably, Kaito was just supposed to be an idiot with a hero complex to him. Which wasn't wrong at all, though he'd still take offense. The likes of Tojo, Shinguji and more were more or less indifferent, listening quietly while sophisticatedly drinking tea or cleaning etc. Others, like Akamatsu and Shuichi, Gonta and a few more listening with rapt attention. 

Kaito has always had a loud voice. It was either cheery and encouraging, which was what he aimed to be - because that was the essence of a hero, along with saving others and being reliable - or at times angry and intimidating. He was quick to anger, he had a short temper that people could take advantage whenever. The astronaut was easy to rile and very simple. 

Akamatsu was more controlled, sure she could be loud and a little pushy, but she was certainly better at leading then he was. And he would watch with jealousy and admiration. But she was still fallible, and she ended up killing for everyone's sake, before being dragged of the a despairing execution. She left her wish with Shuichi and Kaito took it upon himself to train him, to help him and Harumaki with their weaknesses. 

But Kaito was a hypocrite, and desperate to be a hero. He always believed in someone, called others cowards when he himself was running away from everything that made him weak. He stood by his pride and belief in the wrong time and caused trouble. He wasn't strong or a hero, just a brat boasting about strength while hiding, Shuichi and Harumaki were the true heroes, but he still called them his sidekicks. To him, they never needed him, he was just another idiot bound to die.

But he's learned the most important things from them. He's taken them to heart, and Kaito promised to be more useful, to be stronger and to be a true hero everyone could rely on. Because he's already come to face with his weaknesses and insecurities, and he'll be a lead example for everyone to follow. That's plenty for the astronaut. 

So maybe he was a little salty giving the title of leader to someone else, but he thought she would make good use of it as long as he stopped her or at the very least stopped Amami from working alone. That was definitely the last string that led to their downfall. He needed to keep an eye on the guy. Poor dude didn't even know his own talent, it must have grated on his nerves, if the killing video and Monokuma hadn't already. 

"Akamatsu Kaede of course! And Sh-Saihara as her second in command!". That earned himself a surprised yelp from the girl herself with a few gaps of either shock or protest. "M-me?", he laughed a little at her shaking tone. Shuichi seemed more surprised at her surprise. The neo-aikido master shared his sentiment, cheerfully speaking up, "I think that's a great idea! For a degenerate male, that's an impressive idea from you."

He guffawed slightly at her words, before reminding himself it was just her nature, "Nyeh, as long as I don't have to much...", Yumeno mumbled so quietly he barely heard her. "Angie thinks Kaede would be a good choice too!", (ever the enthusiast) the Ultimate added with a overly sweet smile. More people seemingly having warmed up to the idea started conversing over the topic. 

The pianist herself flushed red as praise surrounded her, "M-Momota-kun, I don't really think I'd be _that_ good of a leader", she bashfully tried to argue. Ouma nodded with a scowl, eyebrows pinched in refutation, "That's right! I would do so much better". Kaito rolled his eyes before walking over to Akamatsu, grin present as usual (it was easier and easier as everyone smiled, to put up a grin), "Sure you are! You rallied everyone pretty well yesterday. And besides, you have the Ultimate detective by your side, and of course I'll be your back bone!"

Shuichi averted his eyes, a bead of sweat dropping from his pale face, "Ah... thank you, but I'm not really that reliable", it almost brought his smile down, hearing the words come out self deprecatingly, but Kaito gave him a gentle pat on the back, "Sure you are! We believe in you, and it's fine to be wrong! Right, Akamatsu", her earlier flustered completely gone, Akamatsu gave Shuichi one her biggest grins, "Right! You're are the Ultimate Detective, Saihara-kun!"

The teal haired boy felt his face burn, pulling the cap further down. He couldn't meet their eyes. Come to think of it, Kaito never knew why he didn't... but he wouldn't push him, Shuichi wouldn't like that. It's not his business, he was there to help Shuichi become stronger. 

"So, who wants to explore the school?", Akamatsu asked with Kaito and Shuichi standing besides her, the former with a grin and the latter with a soft smile. 

They got a lot of hands.

* * *

A few hours of exploration and searching later left Kaito stretching in his room. There wasn't much to do, so they split up and went off to do their owns things. Kaito, being the nice guy he was, decided to search with Ouma who did nothing but cause trouble for him. Still, he refused to get mad. More than anything it left Kaito enjoying the familiar rush of wind against his face while -or playing tag, in the words of an oh-so wise brat- chasing Ouma.

So the astronaut is left with some free time after stretching, and decided to search a very important place in the basement. A part of him had the need to check it wasn't changed or anything. He went on his way, closing the door with a soft 'click'. Kaito noticed on his way out a lonely Hoshi, standing by the glass door of the dorms. He's watching Chabashira attempt to engage in a conversation with Yumeno, who looked ready to fall asleep any moment now. The astronaut felt a warm smile slide its way onto his face, unable to keep himself from crinkling his eyes on joy. He'd make sure to keep them safe, to give everyone here a chance for happiness.

Starting with Hoshi of course, "You look a little lonely spending time alone". Hoshi doesn't bother facing him, eyes trained on Chabashira and the little magician, dull and null, "It's in the word."

"Ahaha, I guess."

The tennis player munched on his candy cigarette, cartoonishly wide eyes glazing over his taller form, "So? What did you want from me?". It was funny to him, in a sad. That despite his overly complex character and dark past, e had such a cartoony and childish appearance none would take him seriously at first glance. But Kaito understood, that there was nothing left for Hoshi outside this place. All he had... was cats and tennis, the latter of which he refused to touch ever again. To give himself the pleasure of playing as atonement. 

Kaito hated seeing that, because the small tennis player deserved better. He taught the mafia a lesson, and suffered horrid consequences. The astronaut didn't want to leave him behind like that, not if they all had a chance to escape. "You know, Hoshi... If you ultimate lab is opened before we get out of here, then let's play together."

The former tennis player gave a deep sigh, as though all his problems were bundled up in the breath, "I don't play anymore, not after all of that. I don't deserve to hold a tennis racket ever again". His tone was deep like, like a man ravaged from the depths of his isolated cell. It took everything Kaito had to remember Hoshi was just sixteen, like him. Heck, he was older by a couple months, he was the oldest here. 

"Look, I'm not gonna condone killing the part, but you were trying to teach those arrogant shits a lesson. You did the right thing by losing, and they did the wrong by taking revenge. You still have every right to play tennis, no one in this world is holding you back, other than yourself". He pulled the beanie further down, eyes obscured by a carefully built wall before Kaito, "Some kind words buddy... But I don't think I could hold a racket ever again."

"Sure you can", maybe the original Kaito, the one that was hypocritical and pretended to be a hero, loud sand obnoxious Momota, might have- probably would have shouted that at the poor teen's face, but he was more mature. Loud and harsh words would do nothing but pick at scabs and open wounds. Kaito had done enough of that, "We'll try it out as soon as we have a chance. I won't push you, but you can start off with coaching."

He kept his tone gentle, soft and quiet. Hoshi was that type of person to him, someone who needed coaxing and not the pushing he used to do. "Do you even know how to play? I was under the impression you were the ultimate Astronaut, though to be honest, you do seem like the boasting type". He may have taken a little offense to that, but _hey, in my defence, that was rude._

"'Course I know how to play! I used to be in my middle school tennis club, I was the best there was!", he let out a puff of air, deciding to sit on the stairs, "But... that was probably because I admired you and watched you play, learned a few things in my free time when I wasn't busy with space". The small brunette came over and sat besides him, eyes trained on the floor, "That's kind of you, but I'm just a shell of who I was. The famous tennis player, Hoshi Ryoma is gone. There's nothing left of him"

A sombre silence blew between the two of them, air hanging tense, "Of course, you can't go back to being the carefree player."

 _I can't go back to being the ignorant_ _hypocrite._

"But you can change, make the best out of what you have. You still have tennis, cats and most of all, us. We're you're friends, doesn't matter what anyone says", Hoshi regarded him with shaking eyes, "If you're sent to prison after this, I'll visit you everyday until you're let out. Then, we can spend the rest of our days with everyone, I'll play tennis with you and you can listen to my stories of the skies and space."

Kaito gave Hoshi a soft grin, "So don't throw away your life, there's still plenty to it". The tennis player huffed, "Who said I'd throw away my life?", his voice was wavering. The magenta haired astronaut rested an arm on his head, "Could just tell, you know.", a small shake of his shoulders told Kaito all he needed, "Why don't you join me training tonight?"

"Why do you do that?"

"Need to keep my form if I'm gonna go to space one day!", he gave Hoshi a wide and shining grin, laughter erupting from his chest and outwards in the cold swell of air. He felt warmer, in the tense silence broken by his laughter. Hoshi's eyes shone and wavered for a moment, before he closed them and gave Kaito a small, genuine smile, "Sure, why not."

The astronaut stood up, dusting his light purple pants, "Well, I'm off to check on something. See ya tonight!", Kaito stopped his hands on the pane of the glass door, knowingly waiting with a little grin, "Thanks, Momota", it was small, quiet. Brushed away and brought to his ears by a gentle breeze, "No problem."

On his way out his, Kaito made sure to tell Yumeno, "Don't take Chabashira, or anyone here for granted. She's just trying to motivate you in her own way, and become friends with you. We all are, all right? I hope we don't lose anyone here, but you never know with the future, so make sure to at the very least engage with her."

Yumeno had looked annoyed, given him a pout with her eyebrows drawn tight and actually engaged in a proper conversation with Chabashira. Kaito found himself laughing, a swell of warmth filling his heart.

* * *

Kaito whistled as he walked to the library door, waving to anyone he was past, a big and dumb grin on his face. Ouma even 'tagged' him at some point, but Kaito had just called out an apology and promised to play later instead. Ouma pouted with watery eyes and ejected went away to find someone to toy with, someone who Kaito pitied dearly.

He pushed the antique doors open, old yet sleek wood opening smoothly under his calloused fingers. The astronaut gently traced a bookcase, one with no books resting atop it. He gently pulled it, allowing the doors to slide and groan as they revealed a black and white door hidden within. The key slider hung innocently on the wall, unaware of all the problems and arguments caused by it. 

There was definitely a mastermind, he was sure of that. It was either Shirogane of Kiibo, those were the conclusions he'd come to. Shuichi seemed more like the protagonist, and one the audience loved too much. Harumaki was a person that grew, one that the audience would love as well. And Yumeno too, she far too out of the question. 

It only left those two, but Kiibo was a robot. How could he be the mastermind? Maybe he was controlled by them? The questions ran faster than a waterfall in his mind, foot tapping rhythmically with them as he thought and thought. Until a voice and more footsteps shattered it, "Momota-kun...?". Kaito felt his heart leap to his throat, magenta eyes met with mauve and hazel, shocked and wide.

He gave them a nervous laugh and matching grin, letting go of the door that started to close on itself, rumbling in the tense silence, "... I can explain?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, Kudos and Comments are welcome!
> 
> I'll be honest, these chapters are turning out to be a lot longer than I would have expected. I hope it's to your liking!


	5. Reveal of the Mastermind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito barely saves Amami, but he pays a heavy price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I read a new fic, called Missing (isn't always so bad), with Amami as the protagonist and the story goes differently and I loved it. I recommend it, it still had two chapters left but it is absolutely amazing, And I would like to say some ideas are inspired by this story. I do want to warn you it will take a while, because I guess I'm kind of forcing Kaito to play a new killing game every time so I am loosely describing a new game each time. And they are mostly based of others I've read or my mind being useful, but the only difference is that Kaito is aware of everything, or some things during certain games.  
> I'd like to apologise if this is a short chapter, guess I was in a hurry to move onto the good stuff, or in my opinion and if I write it well enough.

"I-I can explain! I swear I'm not the mastermind", Akamatsu and Shuichi regarded him with equally perplexed and horrified stares. The door was closed and Kaito was staring back with blinks often breaking eye contact and beads of sweat tricking down the back of his neck. He was nervous, sure...

Whelp, he was in deep shit. 

The situation was familiar, weirdly familiar. _Kaito vaguely remembered the menacing glares directed at his sheepish grin, higher ups discussing around him about what to do about the Kid-who-forged-an-ID-and-took-the-space-exam-illegally, and the astronaut also remembered laughing at the title before abruptly shutting his mouth as more glares were directed his way._

_Then one of the higher ups, carefree and grinning like him, laughed and laughed at every problem Kaito caused. He praised him for his boldness and argued on his part that Kaito should be allowed to become an astronaut in training. He gave them reasons like, "He's a bold guy! He'll do great!", and ,"The kid aced the exam anyways, we'll put in under a strict regimen and make sure he doesn't cause anymore trouble."_

_Whether the guy was just that charismatic or simply liked among his colleagues was unknown to Kaito at the time e(he later learned it was a combination of the two), but he sure admired him for managing to practically rally everyone on his side and give him a chance. A chance that Kaito had been too impatient for and somehow still managed to grab._

"Look, I know it's suspicious but I don't even have the key card on me! You can search my room, or anywhere in the school but I really don't have it. I just stumbled upon it too when exploring", the mauve eye blonde frowned, scratching her arm. Shuichi on the other hand gave a shaky sigh before shyly demanding he emptied any and every pocket he had. Kaito happily obliged, a grin loosening on his tense face. 

After a few words shared between the duo, they decided he's suspicious but no the mastermind, He can't blame them, because he knows a lot more than he should. And he also doesn't complain because he's already said that she was the leader of the group. Only now he could hesitation and her strength wavering, if only a little. "Soo, do you guys have a plan about the mastermind?"

He knew he was pushing it, asking them to trust him when they barely knew him and he already let himself befall suspicion, but he was just so used to being trusted by them! It was hard not to fall into old habits, "Ah, not yet, Sorry, Momota-kun, but we'll see if we can come up with you", _we can't tell you_ is left unsaid. He nodded and left, lingering one last time to hear them talk of setting cameras with the materials Shuichi had found in the warehouse. 

Kaito's unsure whether he should stop them. Maybe he something useful could come out of this.

* * *

Everyone lived peacefully for a little longer, because the group is still held together and no motives have been thrust on them. Tojo was kindly making them a breakfast that left a mouth watering aroma wafting in the dining hall when they were rudely interrupted by the bear and his Kubs. Kaito scowled and ground his teeth, dreading the next words coming out of Monokuma's mouth. 

"First blood perk! If a murder occurs, then I will let the culprit leave without a trial!", it sickened him to think that an outside audience was enjoying this, all of their fears and paranoia. None of them take the first blood perk, more than anything else they reject Monokuma and Kaito watched with pride as they yelled at Monokuma and his Kubs, that they would never fight between themselves. 

He then stepped in to add the final blow, loudly declaring they were a team that wouldn't crumble so easily. The bear gave them a sad and glum look before leaving with the ominous message of "I guess I'll have to find something..." hanging in the air. The astronaut worried the time limit would arrive earlier. And he rightfully did, painfully digging his teeth into his lip and drawing out a single drop of blood as hr group burst into shouts and yells and more panic than ever, chaos and fear surrounding and strangling their remaining teamwork. 

Then, that video started playing. Music, loud with a hint of laughter blasting into every nook and cranny of the school, clutching their ears and screaming into them. It was practically ear rape at this point, and Kaito wasn't particularly happy about that.

Kaito made sure to call the same group he did last time, only keeping a watchful eye on Amami. He left Akamatsu and Shuichi because they didn't particularly trust him (which hurt, but he couldn't be picky; Kaito was genuinely grateful they didn't out him as the mastermind, because he wasn't), and maybe their plan wasn't so bad. He just needed to stop Amami from entering the library and getting himself killed.

"Alright! The meeting to stop Monokuma has officially started! Anyone got any ideas?", Kaito was at the front of the exotic group before him, a serious frown on his face. He was met with a variety of responses, none of which were exactly helpful or anything close to what he wanted, "This is stupid. We couldn't possibly hope to fight an army of Monokuma's. They'll swarm us and we'll die."

Oh-so-cold Harumaki shook her head with equally cold, crimson eyes boring into his, judgementally telling him he was an idiot. He took offense to that, "So what do you expect us to do? Just sit and wait for them to ravage us all?", he's rewarded with silence as Harumaki continued to ignore him. Well, it wasn't like he wasn't used to this, he just preferred seeing with warmer eyes. 

"God says he'll protect us all, so Angie thinks there's no reason to fight back!". Kaito sighed, running a hand across his tanned face marred by fatigue (it was so hard dealing with these guys. Suddenly, Kaito finds himself realising he must have been another and bigger problem for group, and had new found respect for them, especially Shuichi and his steel patience), "Angie, if your God was really helping us he'd have a way to get rid of it all before the time limit, and help us escape". The girl ignorantly continued her prayers, a sweet smile on her face, "God says he must wait for the right time, and is currently resting."

Having been by the magician's side and fussing over her protection, Chabashira looked up to offer the Ultimate Artist an unconvinced stare, "Um, well. It would be nicer if you God helped us as soon as possible. Tenko isn't left with much hope if such great power likes to wait till last minute". Chatter started to erupt, and Gonta begun to look queasy, sweat collecting on his large face as a look of panic overtook his earlier confused self. Before Kaito can try to reassure him, Amami decided to make his move, "I need to go to the bathroom", he said, and the astronaut noticed how scared the green haired student is.

He's shaking and clutching onto the monopad does little to solace the clamminess or subdue his shivering. Amami's eyes were twitching and his body was tense, recoiled tighter than a spring. It's almost like magic how one can notice such things _after_ being told the truth. Kaito shook his thoughts away _(not the time to have an epiphany, Kaito. In case you haven't noticed, someone's about to die-)_ and with a sheepish grin gave an excuse, "Ah! Me too, guess we can have a little break. Some of us seem tense, so relax for a bit before I come back", he observed Gonta from the corner of his magenta eye, smiling relaxing when the Entomologist shot him an appreciative and gentle smile.

He then walked out of the room and ran after Amami. Or he would be if he remembered which way Amami went, and the music blaring in the background really wasn't helping calm his nerves- Kaito took a deep breath, and entered the library. He's body freezes as Amami walked over to the camera and attempts to turn it off. It's while he's fumbling a heavy rolling takes precedence in Kaito's ears over the music and he sprinted over to the Ultimate. Upon the ball falling, he thought he was too late until it landed on the floor besides Amami. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes, magenta shaking as lime meet them dead on, equally as scared.

Kaito's heart is beating faster than any rocket could ever travel, breath shaking and shivering under the strain of tress he just under a second ago. There's nothing but silence between the two of them, the large bookcase left ajar awkwardly as silence continued to hang around them. He's about to speak when the door behind the bookcase slid open smoothly, a figure appearing from it with _long blue flowing locks and a school uniform he's seen so many times before-_

Shirogane had such a menacing glare in her azure eyes and unwavering confidence, hand with shotput aimed at Amami's skull, he moved by instinct and pushed the Ultimate away with no warning. For a brief second, he saw the flash of confusion in Shirogane's eyes and Amami's wince as the line haired boy hit the bookcase harshly, before a blinding pain burst in his skull and his world went dark again,

Eerily dark, but familiar enough for Kaito to know what happened. 

_He had been killed by the mastermind, and the mastermind was plane-jane, unnoticeable Shirogane the whole time-_

When he awoke in the locker, Kaito doesn't struggle. He's too busy processing everything, everything happening in mere seconds. 

And in the same world where Momota Kaito's corpse lay on the floor with a break in the skull, door shutting as Akamatsu, Shuichi and Chabashira ran in upon the worry gnawing at their patience to see Amami nursing a soon-to-appear bruise on his head and the blood of one astronaut. Wherein the body announcement sounded, a trial followed.

And Shuichi was left to wallow over the loss of her, with no one to tell him where to go next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Kudos and comments are welcome!


	6. Re-start...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito's completely unsure as to what's happening round him. There was a cranium splitting ache where he last felt the cool metal of a shot put break into his skull, and the slap of reality telling him Shirogane was the mastermind.
> 
> As well as he had as many chances, whether he wanted them or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw man, playing through V1, I got to chapter 3, made me remember why i write fic. Fricking Ishimaru, he didn't deserve to die like that. And Chihiro, those two were the only ones that died truly innocent. Taka was just trying to deal with the grief of losing his kyodai and first friend, while Chihiro was trying to become stronger so he didn't have to burden everyone with his secret. And that's amazing, definitely someone to look up to  
> The other dead people has done something wrong or had the wrong I rent, whether themselves or forced by Monokuma.
> 
> EDIT: Just finished playing trial 4 in the middle of this, and my god it hurts so much. But honestly, it's easier to see Ouma's lies as truths, throughout this. And, I always get so mad at Kaito, for getting mad at Saihara. Goes to show how flawed his belief system was, but the amount of times Ouma was in trouble without Saihara also shows his flawed system of doubt. And then realising Ouma was trying to set up Kaito for failure in his belief, that was heart-breaking.

Kaito had been in this same locker three times. He didn't like it. It felt more cramped each time, but his mind refused to work at all. He could only lash at the creaking metal door on autopilot and realise he was falling until he impact sounded and hit him. Like a shock of electricity through his back and forced him to bolt upright. Kaito could only think to breathe in, breathe out, in, out... in... out..

In the corners of his mind clouded with the cranium splitting headache, Hoshi's deep voice filtered in and out... in... and out, "Hey? You good?", the astronaut took another five minutes or so -an agonizing five for him, and a painstakingly worrisome five for the tennis player- to finally regain his bearings. He pushed the pain back and leaned on the locker for support, running a hand through his stiffly spiked and gelled hair, taking solace in the weirdly soft feeling of each strand under his hands. 

"I... my bad, I wasn't feeling so well. My head feels like someone physically cracked it open", which they did. And now Kaito was afraid of that person. The thought of seeing those blue locks flutter along her uniform, matching eyes filled with killing intent he'd never seen from anyone before... made him fell sick, his own body lurching.

Kaito didn't realise he was physically retching and vomiting until a vertigo hit him harder than the shot put... Or did it? He was so dizzy and busy throwing up whatever acid remained the astronaut couldn't tell. Harsh, dry and wet coughs flared from his strained lungs. Hoshi's small hands were rubbing circles on his back, _just like a couple days ago._

_It amazed Kaito that, to think it had only been a few days prior he was in the same position, coughing and hacking his lungs out and throwing up whatever he could._

Kaito didn't want to be here. He didn't want to repeat this every time to try and figure out how to save everyone. It put too large a burden on him, one crushing his already weak back. Just when Kaito thought he had a chance, he didn't think he could deal with it. The pain, the... he didn't know what it was. Vertigo? Nausea? Aching? _Pain? Pain of some sort?_

It all just... hurt, hurt to move, to stand, to think- he was hungry. Starving, with hinger pangs stabbing through his gut. Was it from all the vomiting? Probably, but there was no trace of food from the morning. Was he still dreaming? A dream within a dream? If so, what a shitty dream. Kaito heaved a few more coughs, lashing against his throat with a hint of wheezing creeping in. It started to hurt both his lungs and throat.

"I... I'm so fucking hungry..", Hoshi gave him an incredulous look, brow raised and eyes regarding the astronaut hysterically, "I'd say you're a little more than hungry". He chuckled dryly, the sentiment burning like molten metal down his throat. Kaito took the outstretched hand with eternal gratefulness, letting out deep breaths until his heart calmed. 

"I'm... Momota Kaito, Luminary of the Stars!", with the little effort remaining in him, his forced his tone to rise like the stars, bringing a familiar grin on his face, "The Ultimate Astronaut!"

"You sound awfully cheery for someone that was retching on the floor seconds ago."

"Ugh! Well, I'm better now! Just wasn't feeling so good", ever the downer, Hoshi merely raised an eyebrow before stalking of to the door. Kaito followed behind, eager to leave the pungent scent of acid and bitter purge behind in the classroom. Tojo would probably stumble upon it clean it like the amazing maid she was. He just didn't understand how someone could like cleaning.

The two walked around aimlessly, an awkward silence hanging over the two, "Come to think of it... I never caught your name", Kaito desperately tried to start a conversation. He didn't like the silence, it was chilling, bone chilling. Cold enough he felt the low temperatures seep into his skin and bury itself deep into his bones, leaving an ever lasting shiver in his body. 

"Hoshi Ryoma... Formerly the Ultimate tennis player", he wanted to drag the conversation away from him, so Kaito but the hook Hoshi left him, "Oh! I remember, you were famous in my middle school." 

He was famous for being a prodigy, strong and fast and skilled, with the touch of an undefeatable ace and a score heard of ever. Kaito himself was nothing compared to him, but he was certainly good within his team. But after watching a few matches, he picked up a few things and started to admire Hoshi. Then the news spread like a fungus through the Internet and streets, and suddenly an Ultimate was a murderer who as sent to live the rest of his days rotting away in a cell. 

"I'm not the same man you know... I'm just a shell", Hoshi left him with the words to drape over the silence, and Kaito thought for a moment he might not. Bu he did. He knew Hoshi well enough, and he knew the words to bring him out of it... Or at the very least, to give him some comfort of some sort, because Kaito was a hero and he wouldn't leave a person in needed hanging to their death.

The astronaut followed quietly, eyes downcast to the floor. It was only through years of smiling, that he could pull of a bright and shining grin whenever they past someone. But in Shirogane's face, it dropped and his heart froze. Anger, fury, hatred... It manifested like a rancid, dark creature, howling to end it all and kill Shirogane, right there an then. Burning, boiling through his throat, heart, lungs eyes nose everything-

"Ah, hello", the azure haired cosplayer blinked, drops of sweat adorning her doll like face. Her eyes wavered as Kaito continued to subtly glare. It was only when Hoshi pinched his arm, did he realise what he was doing. Releasing killer intent like Harumaki wasn't going to do him any good.. So he laughed sheepishly and rubbed a hand through gelled hand, "Ah! My bad! I wasn't glaring at you, I was just thinking of thinking.. ehehe, and it kinda pissed me off", not the most convincing, of the looks Hoshi and Shirogane-the-sick-mastermind regarded him were anything to go by, but... What else could he do?

Just seeing the coplayer brought the same anger he'd felt upon hearing Ouma laugh and mock Gonta (little shit, but after the fifth trial, he wasn't sure it was all so true. Ouma did nothing but hide behind a façade and doubt people while tormenting them with the truth). Burning so hot he might as well be on fire, rage prodding at his emotions and threatening to kill her. It was just so unbearable!

_Not to mention the constant and agonising ache in his skull, pulsing and screaming through his brain, bouncing like a metal ball in his skull and only riling his anger further up. All because Shirogane caused the pain and the suffering everyone went through. She was the mastermind … and the one that killed... Amami. Akamatsu was innocent all along, and Monokuma executed her? Because what... Why? He's supposed to abide by the rules! For the audience watching them like sick fucks! Laughing as they cried and yelled, watching a game as the damn bear imposed rule after rule and motive after motive to push into killing each other!_

**_What kind of monsters would ever enjoy such horseshit! What kind?!_ **

Kaito never thought himself to be such an amazing actor. He was decent, played some major roles in his elementary school pays and even once in middle school. Maybe it was because he was so passionate, his emotions shone through the audience and they resonated with the character he played, or maybe it was because he was so simple and just became the character he was playing, unless he had objections in which he would usually suck it up and act decently. Just because he was salty he didn't get the main character role. But that rarely happened. It wasn't as though he acted much, he was always himself.

So then, that was probably why he was shocked when a straight face and smile were the only things everyone else saw. Not the rage building up inside, or the pity of knowing them and their secrets, or the lack of caring towards those that were practically still blank canvases to him. Then he arrived at the gym with Hoshi in tow, leading him like the hero he was. A smile so wide it stretched beyond the universe and shone brighter than the beautiful twinkles that were the stars on his face.

The exisals popped up, and Kaito did take a few steps forward as a precaution for the others. He really wanted them to live with him and make it out. Other than Shirogane, and maybe Shinguji because the guy freaked him out and was a serial killer- they deserved to get out. They were all humans and wanted to live, and Kaito could forgive that. He was the same, they all were. No matter whether they hid behind lies and the cover or a villain, or acted selfless and tried to kill, or hid themselves away like a coward because they hated their own being- He would save them all!

That was his job as the hero!

(Maybe not the hero of the story, those were Akamatsu and Shuichi, but he was still a hero. He didn't need to be the main act, he just had to save and stop them all)

* * *

Akamatsu's never stooped low enough to stop surprising him. Her speech always made him feel so excited, inspired by her belief and resolve. It honestly hurt o know she cracked, but everyone was flawed. He too, was flawed. Maybe- No, probably more than Akamatsu. That was why he had to back her up! Believe in her when he wavered, no one could always be so perfect! 

They headed to the manhole, over and over until Kaito got through the end. Again, much to his surprise, Ouma made it through farther than anyone else and he managed to pull him up. They made it through the end, and Kaito kicked away Monokuma with all of his strength, "Go away! You're not wanted here!". The bear flew away like a ragdoll, and a childish giggle snapped him out of his angered induced reverie, "Momota-chan, my hero! It's lovely you feel strong enough to fight Monokuma, but the rules states no violence against the headmaster!"

"I don't care", he answered gruffly, walking over to the panel. An electric barrier crossed off the outside world. There was nothing beyond there. At least that's what he and the others of that time thought. But Ouma... Oh The supreme leader was at least three steps ahead of everyone else, planning to trip up the game and upset an audience none of them knew existed. 

* * *

Momota-chan let out an annoyed exhale threw his nose, the sharp sound hissing like a whistle before promptly turning around, eyebrows furrowed and an unhappy frown on his face ( _he looked unnaturally serious, Kokichi_ thought, _someone like Momota-chan serious? I would have laughed_ ). The astronaut shook his head, muttering under his breath and leaving Kokichi in a dazed confusion, words fading before they reached his ears. Nothing but mere whispers and ghosts in the echoing walls of the tunnel. He followed Momota-chan back without a word.

And watched in interest as Momota-chan rallied them with absolute ease, keeping a nice and relax posture, followed by a (cheesy but effective) bright grin, "There's no need to panic. We'll get out here, if we work together. But rushing will only bring us down", he continued talking on and on as more faces lightened up and tense body postures followed in his lead of loosening up. 

"Besides, there's some sort of electrical barrier or some shit blocking the door. We couldn't have made it anyways. Most of the traps are practically rigged against us", Momota-chan ran a hand through his spiked hair, heaving a relieved? sigh as more students looked dismayed and discouraged. Kokichi, of course, was going to call him out, "If the traps are rigged, then how did you make it, Momota-chan?"

He was expecting something more along the lines of incoherent stuttering followed by a poor excuse of a lie and some sweating to clearly prove him guilty of something. After all, Momota-chan was definitely the 'All belief and no doubt!' kind, naïve with a hero complex that would cause trouble at some point. But calm and collected response with no hint of lie was beyond his imagination, "Because I could tell the traps are rigged, if only a little. After the first run or so, and then I thought of some way to jump across the impossible ones", a grin stretched on his face, as bright as the stars why not, "The impossible is possible! All you gotta do is make it so!"

The words echoed like a light for them. Maybe, even for a moment. In the moment where Momota-chan's face was blank of emotion, a canvas wiped clean of any trace, Kokichi could see himself for a moment, mirrored. And it disgusted him. 

Smiles and grins alike promptly burst in a soft light from the formerly gloomy and defeated atmosphere that started to settle like fog, "We better call it a night. I'm pretty beat", Amami-chan suggested. The lime haired student reached for ladder and started climbing. Others followed in his footsteps and he did too, eyeing the astronaut with suspicion, lilac eyes filled with mirth. _Maybe Momota-chan will be more fun than I originally thought. He'd better not ruin my plans in making though..._

That wouldn't go so well for the either of them.

* * *

As the night passed, Kaito found it impossible to sleep. Not with the constant banging and aching that pulsed like a raging sea storm in his head. Sleep never came and he spent the night with important thoughts hogging his attention. Mainly the idea of saving Amami taking precedence. _Keeping everyone together should be fairly easy, though Shirogane will probably be suspicious. Amami... he never trusted anyone enough to tell them, but why? Were they really that untrustworthy? Was he really that unreliable?_

 _Harumaki had said so many times, but I usually took it as a joke... maybe she was right- no, this isn't you, Kaito. Don't think so pessimistically, you're gonna save everyone and stop the killing game, That's what you're supposed to do,_ magenta eyes grew more determined as his thoughts mined their to his heart and lit the flame of the hero within. It made him feel warm.

 _Amami excused himself to go to the bathroom, so I could just follow him and try to subtly drag him away from the library... But the timer! If nothing's done by then we'll all be screwed... Argh, damn. What am I supposed to do?_ Kaito looked around the room, eyes scanning for any sort of inspiration. There wasn't much, other than the dark wardrobe and bathroom door. _If only I had something to write on... then maybe keeping all of it tracked would be easier,_ he thought to himself as his feet started moving on autopilot.

Before long, the chill of the outside night had woken him from his reverie, mind stopping and taking a breather in the fresh air. At least, it felt fresh, but not so quiet. Like it was tainted by something, a faint underlying scent to it (and not a pleasant one at that) to it. One whiff had Kaito wincing, it didn't feel so fresh anymore. It was more... artificial? It wasn't normal was all he could say, like the lack of _any, not a single one he could watch at night and let himself rest over- god damn Monokuma, the damn bear!-_ correct constellations. Some toddler might as well have thrown a bunch of white dots at the sky and let some elementary school kid draw the connected lines.

Upon opening the doors to the warehouse, magenta eyes searched and searched for a pen and notepad. It would be _so much, and I mean so much easier._ Maybe Ouma did the same, he wouldn't surprised if the little lilac haired deviant had a whole whiteboard of who he could trust and who would die next or something. He probably did have something like that in his room... 

After a painstakingly long search (it had only been a few minutes but Kaito was an impatient man, he didn't like waiting for things. His title as the Ultimate astronaut was a clear indicator of that), a pen and notepad finally found their way into his hands returning to his hands as he returned from the dark and quiet trip. A familiar but much stronger pulsing of pain racked his brain and forced the items out of his hands as he collapsed to his knees and clutched his head, cranium splitting headache hitting harder with every return.

The nausea was like getting like drowned with raging waves of a furious and roaring sea storm, struggling to breathe and stay upright. Pushed down and around like a stick until you stay down. Kaito's legs refused to move accordingly, shaking like a leaf as he took small and very unsafe steps towards the dining area. Lucky for him, he didn't collapse and successfully made it to the cabinet by pure muscle memory. 

Repeated journeys to the medicine cabinet in hopes of resting his strained lungs had imbedded the journey in his sleep, if he was being honest. Coughs cutting through his sore throat and leaving burning trails, specks of blood dyeing his _white (oh so often it was he changed to keep suspicion away from him)_ undershirt and with the accompanied and disgusting iron taste of it all left rotting on the tip of his tongue. 

While swallowing down the pills -desperation had clouded his judgement and Kaito may have taken one too many- his thoughts started to float away. Why was it hurting? It all happened in the past and didn't exist anymore, he didn't have a wound... Kaito ran his fingers through his gelled hair, strands starting to drop as the thick substances grew weaker. There was nothing, other than the cold sensation of his cold finger tips, small ice droplets on his burning skull.

No, he definitely didn't have a wound, but it hurt like hell. Soon the pain subsided marginally as the medicine kicked in, and Kaito started wondering. He would die of his illness no matter what happened. It was too deadly by the time help was even a millimetre closer to them, having eaten its way through his immune system and organs and drawing out ever last drop of blood behind his flesh and bone. He could try as he might, but Kaito couldn't make it all the way, he wasn't strong enough...

_Was he even strong enough to stop a murder? Obviously! He'd stopped Amami from dying, and he'd found out the true mastermind. Two birds with one stone! And yet, Kaito ended up paying with his own life. He already failed once- no twice. Because what did Kaito do that was useful during his first run? Other than shout about belief and maybe support Shuichi and Harumaki but even they ended up outshining him as usual. He was nothing but a 'so-called hero', a coward and hypocrite that hid behind words and grins alike while others looked up to the fake cover. A fake cover, of what he wanted to be._

_It didn't matter how many covers Kaito blanketed his weaknesses in, he was still weak. He wasn't of any use. Did he even help Shuichi grow? Did he help Harumaki defeat her enemy? He was barely able to do so himself, and it ultimately led to his and Ouma's death. Maybe Shuichi and Harumaki didn't need him at all._ The thought of it was close to bringing a tear to his eyes, dark and dimmed.

_What did he even do? He brought them down during the fourth trial. Failed Ouma's plan, even if it was for the best. He was obvious and probably easily manipulated by anyone, He hurt Shuichi when the detective was trying to find the truth and help everyone. He didn't save Akamatsu. He was so harsh to Hoshi. He didn't do anything for Tojo, Angie, Chabashira and by extension even Shinguji. It mattered that he was a serial killer, and sure, he freaked out Kaito to no end. But an end like that wasn't deserved._

A tear brimmed in his eye, and fell as more followed. Kaito felt an excruciatingly suffocating force squeeze his heart and lungs, constricting the air in them. He choked back a sob, echoing in the silence of the lonely kitchen.

_What was he even doing?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments and Kudos are welcome!
> 
> I'm so sorry for the angst. But I do feel Kaito is deeper than most would originally give him credit for, and I mean, this is a different Kaito. He's allowed to reflect and be frank with his insecurities. @LetMomotaKaitoBeWeak. It should be a tag

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this seems like idea stealing, but I promise it isn't. I was inspired to write what I didn't think I could write. But I'll take it down if you, khattikeri, think it's too close to yours. But I really liked it, it was amazing! Kaito is my absolute favourite, and I share his dream of one day making it to space, even if I often discourage myself or others do so. He really meant a lot to me, and I really wanted him to survive.


End file.
